My toilet runneth over!

Once upon a time, (well ok, it was Friday morning, if you must know) there was a grumpy, exhausted maiden who was wont to linger longer in bed.

Alas, her daughter exclaimed, "Arise from thy bedchamber and drive me in the carriage to the house of education. Hasten, for we have languished in bed too long and the time is nigh at hand for the bell of tardiness to ring."

And so the grumpy maiden arose post haste and descended her stairs, whilst rubbing her eyes, longing for a short drive in the carriage, where upon she would return to her bedchamber for a long, lingering, nap, whilst all her children were attending school.

But alas her dream was in vain. Because upon entering her chamber for TV watching, her eyes beheld that an evil wizard had cast a spell turning the laminate floor into a swamp. Yea, verily even the guinea pig hangeth ten as her cage floated across the floor.

In great hast, the grumpy maiden gathereth all the towels of the house and hastened to rescue items of value that were beginning to succumb to the flood. There was much scurrying and bailing. And running to and fro to empty the contents of the room.

And woe, some of the books were soaked to destruction. But by some twisted turn of fate, none of them belongeth to the library, and so no fines of torture were inflicted upon the maiden.

And then the maiden's fair daughter cried out "Woe is me, today is the day scheduled for physical exertion and my running shoes are wet like unto a soggy sponge."

And the grumpy maiden looked and saw that it was true. And verily, the maiden exhorted the fair daughter to wear her slip on footwear and promised to dry the running shoes with the aid of the fire breathing dragon that lives inside the dryer.

Indeed, the grumpy maiden exclaimed for the fair daughter to make haste, for the time was short and the bell ringing was nigh at hand. And so they hastened to the carriage and managed to arrive at the house of education just as the bell ringing started and with out peril to any pedestrians or crossing guards.

The now soggy, grouchy, grumpy maiden returned home to continue her flood fighting efforts. Wielding a broom she did gird up her loins and proceed to sweep as much of the water as possible out of the back door onto the porch.

And hark she heard a rapping at the door. And behold it was her friend with her two small children arriving to harvest her pomegranates, because the grumpy, grouchy maiden hath no time for jelly making. The soggy, grouchy, grumpy maiden exhorted the children to watch out for the slippery floor. And whilst her friend tarried in the pomegranate vineyard, the maiden returned to sopping and mopping.

Whilst sopping and mopping, the telephone rangeth, and the maiden ran to and fro looking for a phone that was fully charged. The phone call informed her of the impending arrival of her new stove from the place of home warranties. This was fortuitous as the maiden could enter a plea to the home warranty place for help in the plumbing department at the very same time. And yea, her plea was of the 911 nature. The soggy, grouchy, grumpy maiden was assured that the plumber would make haste to her rescue.

The maiden was receiving a new stove, because her old stove was old like unto Methuselah and was no longer performing the purpose for which it was intended. Yea, the pilot light did stick whenever the stove was used, and continued clicking for the entire cooking time, whether it be 20 minutes or 2 hours. And the ticking thereof grateth on the grumpy maiden's nerves. And behold the stove repairman declared the old stove to be unfixable, and so a new stove was sent for.

Upon hearing of the new stove's arrival, the maiden redirected her efforts from the sopping and mopping to the pushing and shoving of the furniture to prepare a path for the new stove.

For verily the way from the front door to her kitchen was very narrow and fraught with obstacles.

The maiden searched high and low through out her house for every available towel to be used in the sopping and mopping. Yea even, she began using the magical clothes washing machine, in order to obtain more dry towels.

Shortly thereafter the bell of the door rangeth. And the soggy, grouchy, grumpy maiden hastened to the door and inquired "Are you here for the stove or the plumbing?" And verily it was for the stove.

And whilst the soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden continued the process of sopping and mopping, the workman removed the old stove. And they did bestow pity upon the maiden, for they did have great empathy for her woeful state of dampness.

And whence the ancient stove was removed, the maiden looked and saw years of crumbs collected beneath the old stove. And the maiden put her shoulder to the wheel in removing the scourge of filth found there upon. And yea verily the crumbs were hard like unto cement. After some wailing and gnashing of teeth, the grime was removed.
And behold, the grumpy, grouchy maiden began receiving pleas from her son in the tenth grade. Yea, he did text and call her exceedingly often, saying that he felt light in the head and needed to come home. And verily, the grumpy maiden did exhort her son to sucketh it up and stay at school. Yea, and she was not amused at his persistence in exclaiming his impending death if she did not rescue him. But the grouchy maiden was firm and immovable in her resolve that he would complete the day of his education. And his pleas did fall upon deaf ears. For truly she was otherwise occupied.

The new stove was installed, and the maiden saw that it was good. For it was beautiful to behold, in that it was black like unto the fridge and dishwasher, unlike the old beige stove.

The workmen finally retired to their carriage, and the soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden looked and saw that the time for the daughters physical exertion was nigh at hand, yea even 5 minutes away.

And the maiden took great haste in finding socks and taking the running shoes to the office of the house of education and bestowed the partially dried running shoes upon the fair daughter.

The fair daughter pled with the grumpy maiden saying "Today is the designated day for families to feast with their children during lunch time. Yea, please bringeth me a BIG Mac from the House of McDonalds as a token of your love and devotion." And the silly, soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden replied that she would do her best.

And so she returned to the task of sopping and mopping.

Verily all of her efforts seemed to be in vain, for every time she looked, more water was seeping up through the laminate flooring.

And behold, the phone did ringeth again. And the grumpy maiden received the news of the plumbers longed for arrival. But woe unto the fair daughter because it was at the same time as the hour of lunch.

Yea and verily the fair daughter did call and plead with great vigor for the grouchy maiden to come hither with her BIG Mac. And the maiden had to deny the pleas of her daughter, yea even though they were many, and the daughter did wail and gnash her teeth at the news that she would have to eat hot lunch that day.

And behold, the doorbell ringeth again, and lo it was the plumber. And the soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden did invite him into her abode of sogginess.

And verily, the plumber did search low and high for the source of the flooding, but to no avail. He discovereth not the source of the water. And the grumpy maiden did follow him around and give many suggestions. But alas they could not discover from whence the water was flowing.

Finally, as a last resort, the plumber suggested cutting a whole in the ceiling of the TV watching chamber roon

. Yea, even though the home warranty would not cover repairing the damage done by the hole cutting. And the grumpy maiden did giver her consent for what else could she do?

And the plumber did say unto the distraught soggy maiden, let me run and get a waiver for thee to sign away all thy liabilities. And the maiden did despair, for it is never a good thing when someone says "Let me get a waiver."

And verily, not one hole but two were caused to be cut in the ceiling. But alas, that was not the source of the leaking either. And the soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden began to despair.

For she had mopped up buckets and buckets of water, and still there was no end in sight.

And behold there was a plate of brownies sitting on the kitchen counter which were left over from the enriching event of the previous evening. And the starving, soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden did fall upon the brownies devouring many, yea even until the plate was clean.

And behold the plumber did continue his search for the cause of the problem. Yea, even unto the opening of cupboard doors, whereupon items crammed inside did fall out upon his head.

Yea and he did discover that the water had entered the closet of containment, which was piled high with items without other storage solutions. And it became necessary for the soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden to empty the closet, which was mountainous to behold. And this at great peril to her life.

And the maiden beheld that the carpet on the floor of the closet was soaking and must be disposed of in the waste receptacle. Yea, even it was dripping with excess water.
And the carpet pad was also soaketh, and caused to be removed. But behold it was glued to the floor and was most difficult to remove. And verily, the grouchy maiden thinketh her back would break from the efforts of removing the carpet pad.

And behold next the plumber discovered the water had entered the cavity that we had caused to be cut under the stairs for the purpose of storage.

And much of the contents of the storage chamber were removed, in order to see the damage that had been done.

Yea, even some of the food that the maiden had stored up for the day of famine as foretold by the prophets, yea some of that was touched by the water flowing into the house.
But behold, much of the food was spared.

And it came to pass that the plumber finally after several hours of searching, yea he did discover the problem. There was a clog in the pipe that goeth from the house out into the sewer. And so when the children had showered that morning, the water was unable to get to the sewer and instead did flow out of the downstairs toilet.

Upon hearing this news, the soppy, soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden felt faint of heart. For this news did concern her greatly. But yea, while the plumber did snake out the pipe, the maiden did continue in her efforts to clean up the mess.

And behold the grouchy maiden did look at the clock, and verily it was the time of dismissal for the fair daughter. And the maiden did hasten to fetch the fair daughter and the fair daughter's friend, who was promised to come for a visit that afternoon.

And verily, the fair daughter and her friend did take the large box from the new stove to make a fort. And they requireth sticky Velcro and fabric for the making of their fort. And the making of it did involve a great mess, but verily it did keep them occupied, whilst the maiden took a moment to sit upon her couch.

And verily, the soggy, grumpy, grouchy maiden did make a call to her home owners insurance, and hence then did inform her of her $1000 dollar deductible. And it seemeth a harsh thing. Yea verily, her husband did say that he could repair the damage for much less, and so the claim will be withdrawn.

At the end of the day, the grumpy, grouchy maiden did lay upon her bed in a state of sheer and utter exhaustion. And behold she slept, but her dreams were troubled by visions of waves and toilets and Guinea pigs hanging ten. And verily she did rise the next day and commence in the cleaning process. And yea it will be many fortnights before all is returned to normal in her home.

But behold, all is not in vain, for the events did make for a very entertaining post for her blog.

Death by Bureaucracy

As opposed to death by poisoning or death by gunshot. Death by bureaucracy should be particularly drawn out and painful. I'll be happy to let you know.

The dictionary defines bureaucracy as follows:

1.government by many bureaus, administrators, and petty officials.

2.the body of officials and administrators, esp. of a government or government department.

3.excessive multiplication of, and concentration of power in, administrative bureaus or administrators.

4. administration characterized by excessive red tape and routine.

I love the petty official part of the definition. Do you suppose that is on the job application for government officials? Do you posses the skill to be petty? Also are able to thrive in an environment where nothing makes sense? Then great you are hired.

I have added my own definition as well:

5. A system developed to suck away people's life source and will to live until all that is left is a crumpled shell of a human being.

So if not actually dead, possessing many of the same characteristics such as lifelessness and loss of color. And if bureaucracy doesn't literally kill me, it may cause me to pull all my hair out leaving me bald and unable to show my face in public. Hence rendering me dead to all who know me.

Yesterday bureaucracy kicked my can to Timbuktu and back again. Here are just a few of the brick walls I have been hitting me head against lately.

My car needs to be smogged.

I was suppose to register it last Friday.

When my car was tested, it did not pass the test.

Not because it is emitting harmful toxic waste into the atmosphere, no because the computer in the car does not have enough information.

Somehow it had been reset to zero and so that makes the government think that it has been tampered with.

It is a 2005 for crying out loud, how is it not passing the test?

The guy helping me who looked like he just got out of jail, wasn't really all that helpful or clear about what I should do about the problem.

I went to my mechanic. Yeah, they weren't really sure what to do about it either.

So I was able to attend the joyful DMV in person and get an extension.

But I still am not really sure what to do. Maybe I could give up driving. That would go well with my plan to hide in a corner and ignore all my responsibilities.

Trent does not want to take Zoology.

A new regulation wants kids to have 3 science credits for something called the 21st century diploma,

Trent has 2.5 science credits,

You can graduate with a standard diploma with 2 science credits,

The school refused to drop him from Zoology until he registered in an independent study science class,

Trent's mother has been otherwise occupied with things like doctor appointments, grief over son's permanent disability, being out of town, and the worst head cold known to man.

Trent has been in to talk with the counselor about this several times

Trent has not attended the class even once in four weeks, because in his mind he has already dropped it,

Yesterday was the last day to officially drop the class, otherwise he would just get a "F" on his transcript.

After a twenty minute conversation with the counselor where things like "rules are rules" "that's just the way it is", "lump it or leave it" were bandied about, I was force to put my hands around the counselors throat. Seriously I did it, in a joking way more or less of course, but in my mind I was more not so much less.

After this attempt on the counselors life, I asked about the standard diploma

She then informed me that there is the option of waiving the 21st century requirement.

After I recovered from my seizure, I said for sure we were interested in that option.

She informed me that they can not find the form that needs to be filled out to waive the requirement.

Of course not.

This is the letter I sent to school with Trent yesterday:

September 18, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

I give my permission for Trenton Hammond to waive the 21st Century science requirement. I understand that he will graduate with only 2 science credits. When the form to officially waive this requirement is found, I will be happy to fill it out.
In the mean time, please drop him from Zoology.
If you have any questions please contact me at 555-5555.
Sincerely,

Patricia Hammond

See not even a death threat or anything.

My doctor leaves an ominous message on my answering machine

After a fun filled morning spent taking Jared to various appointments, I returned to my home for sanctuary.

I was met with a flashing message light on my phone.

The message was my doctor, informing me that she needed to talk to me about my blood work from the previous day.

She didn't say what was wrong, but conveyed that it was a serious matter and would I please call back and leave a number she could contact me with that day.

I called back, left the number and asked if the receptionist could tell me the results.

No sirree! The doctor is the only one who can give out results over the phone.

Well isn't that special.

So I had a fun filled afternoon of suspense and worry where I played through scenarios of my impending death.

Finally she got a hold of me, and told me that my Triglyceride cholesterol number went from a normal, healthy 115 last year to 375 this year. I don't even know what to think about this.

I really can not pin point how my diet is that different this year than last. One thing is that I did eat a whole bag of cheese curds the day before the test. Perhaps that skewed the test, but really would it be that much off. I kind of doubt it.

This month I will watch what I eat and take the test again. Maybe it is a mistake. That seems like an awfully big jump.

Of course the whole answer to much of what is wrong in my life would be to exercise. It is too bad driving ill tempered, teenage boys to doctor appointments doesn't count as exercise.

Thanks to all of you for listening to me whine and complain. When I do experience my nervous breakdown, I will try to get a video of it, K.

Better Late Than Never

Part of the craziness of all the doctor visits last Wednesday, included a visit from the home health nurse to remove Jared's pic line. Now that the IV is gone, he is much more able to move around. Also it means he is now on oral antibiotics. Since he can now be more independent, I decided to head up to girls camp. All the girls and leaders went up on Tuesday morning. I woke up Thursday morning and got everything squared away.



I have to admit, that I really needed a break from nursing Jared. When I first got up to camp, I said "Yay, no one will ask me to empty their urinal, here." Our camp takes place up on Mt. Charleston. It is just a short hour from Vegas, and yet it feels like a different world. So many trees, and at least 30 degrees cooler. I think it was about 107 when I left, and only 75 when I got there. So nice. Also, I love it because I do not sneeze as much up there. Apparently, I am allergic to Las Vegas.

I got there just in time for the leader lunch. Which is a wonderful thing where the stake feeds all the camp leaders. All the girls stay at their camp and eat sandwiches. Our ward did the zip line, craft, and climbing wall before I got there, but I was in time for archery. This is actually the first year I have tried the archery range due to the fact that it always seems to be at the end of the week, and it is way at the top of the camp. I am usually out of steam and unable to make the climb up there. But this year I was fresh and full of energy.
For the first time, I gave the archery range a try. I may not have bow hunting skills, but surprisingly I have some arrow shooting skills. I even popped a balloon, helping our ward move to the front of the balloon popping score. The next day another ward did beat our score, but we were in front for a while.
Here is one of the girls, Bailey signaling victory after we moved ahead in the balloon popping event. The man in the crown, is our Bishop and he was in charge of the Archery range this year.


After archery, the fourth year girls went and did repelling. I can't imagine that I will ever participate in that event, given my fear of heights. There are always more people who want to do it, than there is time, so I am OK with that.

Then it was time for the variety show. Our ward was assigned to do a take off if the show Nashville Star. None of us have ever seen it, but they gave us a CD of some country music. Our Bishop did a great impression of Billy Ray Cyrus, complete with hilarious long curly wig. The first act was mini Shania Twain. This was two girls kneeling down, with one being the face and body, while the other one is the arms. It was so cute and funny. Then the picture above is the "Homely Hillbillies". The whole thing was pretty funny and turned out very well. We are probably biased, but we though ours was the best.
We were the last stake to use the camp this summer. Perhaps due to that fact, the chipmunks were surprisingly bold. As pictured above they would eat right out of some one's hand. We even put out bowls of sun flower seeds for them. They were very cute little creatures and almost like pets. Very strange.That night it got alarmingly cold. Everyone kept talking about how it wouldn't be that cold in August, but it was quite cold and I was disappointed that I did not bring my hand warmers and thermals. Necessity is the mother of invention, and so I devised this attractive hat to help keep me warm. Tell me I do not look like some one out of Fiddler on the Roof.Thursday night was testimony night. It was a very special evening, and I felt so fortunate to be a part of it. There was a very strong spirit and it was worth the trip up there. There is something about sitting around a campfire, that makes such testimony meetings extraordinary.
Of course we stayed up visiting, singing, laughing, and generally having too much fun, until way to late. I think it was 2 am when I finally got to my bed. Here is a picture of me, snug as a bug, in a rug. I am wearing three shirts, and two sweat shirts, my gloves, and a knit cap. I had an extra blanket and my coat on top of my sleeping bag. So I wasn't two cold. I missed my hand warmers, though. And perhaps my thermals.Friday morning, our girls found the spirit stick, which was shaped like the Olympic torch. We found it twice and so our ward had it the most times. Here are all the girls on a large log by our camp. Tori is holding up the prize in the middle.Friday, was unscheduled except for the short obstacle course that we did in the morning. We filled the day with fun activities, such as hair do makeovers. Here is a picture of my new do. Nice don't ya think?
This is my hair stylist, Taylor. Thanks for the colorful hair. She has been to camp all three years that I have gone.Here are Tori, me, and Bailey. They are making the sign of WOW, with their hands and mouth. They have a funny saying they do that says "WOW MOM, COW MOM" All made by turning the "w" into a "m" or "c". Here I am in a rare moment of down time. Kicking back and taking it easy.While lying on the bench, I happened to look up and see how pretty the trees and the sky were. I love nature, and really miss the trees of the northwest. There is something so peaceful in the mountains. Especially the fact that I don't get cell service. No texts from Jared, or calls from Diana. It is easier to feel close to our Heavenly Father in the mountains. Perhaps that is why temples were in the tops of the mountains in the Old Testament.Here is our amazing, awesome, astonishing, astounding, fantastic, incredible, marvelous, stupendous, wonderful camp director. She is returning from latrine duty. What a women. You go girl. At one time I was a bit sad to not be camp director, but Shawna did such a great job, that I felt glad she was in charge instead of me. I only wish I could have been more help to her. But there is always next year.Here are five of the young women leaders. I love working with these women and am glad to count them as friends.
And here we are in a bit more natural pose.

Here is a shot of all six of the leaders from our ward. The sister on the top of our pyramid helps the stake a lot and doesn't get to spend very much time in our camp. She does happen to spoil us with treats and that is good. She is in charge of the zip line. And had to work pretty hard all day long.
Friday afternoon, the YCLs (youth counselor leaders) passed the flame onto the fourth year girls, who will be YCLs next year. Here are those girls from our ward. As you can see they are half of the twelve girls we had this year. Next year will be very, very, small as we only have one girl turning twelve this year. These girls will all turn sixteen during the next year, and move up to my class. They are amazing girls and it will be fun to get to teach them.
Bailey and Tori wanted to roast their starburst candies. Bailey even roasted one for me, just so I could adequately blog about the experience. Seriously, she said, you better taste one if you are going to write about it. She is one of my regular readers, and I even convinced her she needed a blog. I have to say the starburst was good, when roasted the starburst gets soft and gooey.
Here is Tori's pose with her starburst. Two years ago, one of the girls roasted her gold fish cracker. Very odd. We have known Bailey and Tori since we moved to Vegas, as they were in our old ward before they moved to this ward. Jared and Tori are the same age and were on the same soccer team for several years, back in the day.

We had so much fun singing around the camp fire Friday night. We even got in some dancing. Good, good times. It is no secret that camp songs is my favorite part of camp. They even sang my song "Princess Pat".
This is the final picture. It started to look like rain in the afternoon, so we took down several of the tents. Then we took the pic nic benches out of the dinning tent, and let all the girls sleep together. It was a bit crazy, but they had a great time together. Finally they ended up signing primary songs, and put themselves to sleep. And it did not rain, so having several of the tents already packed up, helped us get out of there sooner in the morning.

I did not go to bed until 3 am Friday night. We got up early Saturday morning and packed up. We were the second ward out of there, woohoo! We were back to the church by 9:00, but then the worst part is unloading everything in the heat. It is pretty much miserable when all you want to do is go home to take a shower and a nap. Finally everything was unloaded.

I came home and helped Jared for a while. He did remarkably well without me. At least he was still alive. He said he was hungry and that Marion didn't feed him enough. But he seemed pretty good to me.

The good news about my going to camp was that I had a nice break from my nursing duties and I had so much fun with the girls and leaders.

The bad news was that I got about 9 hours sleep in two nights, and those were not uninterrupted. So I feel more tired than before I left. There is a price to be paid for fun.

Yesterday I took about 3 different naps. And so it has been so long since I have managed to blog. Hopefully, I can do everything this week that needs to be done for school. And Jared has PT three times this week. Then he has 3 doctor appointments next week, to look forward to attending.

All in all I am very glad I was able to go. Girls camp is one of my favorite things, and I plan to keep going until they are sick to death of me. I even can picture my self with my walker some day, trudging up and down the hill. I had to miss the trip to Seattle, I am glad that I didn't have to miss all of camp. In some ways it was good to have new fresh blood show up.