Friday, October 24, 2008

A Tale of Horror and Terror

The Crash Test Dummy and Art and Sewl are co-sponsoring a Ghost Story writing contest. And I am going to enter it because I am wild and crazy like that. There are some really great prizes, so you might want to enter as well.

Click on the tombstone for more information.

Some unimaginative types, might not find my story very scary, but anyone who has ever had teenagers involved in extracurricular activities with the last minute demands that come with all that stuff, well it is enough to give the best of us nightmares for weeks. And if your kids are too young, well just wait and I will try not to say "I told you so."

And now for my story. I am so nervous; I have never entered anything before. This is really, really scary. My knees are knocking and my teeth are chattering.

Drumroll please........

If you have a musical, teenage son, chances are he is going to play in the school orchestra.

And if he plays in the orchestra, chances are there will be a fall orchestra concert.

And if there is a fall orchestra concert, chances are your son will sign you up to make zucchini bread for the bake sale/fundraiser before the concert.

And if he signs you up to make zucchini bread, chances are he will tell you about it at 10 pm the night before the concert.

And if you have to make zucchini bread, chances are you will be out of several ingredients, namely zucchini because growing a garden in Vegas, not so easy; so you will have to go to the store.

And if you are going to the grocery store, chances are your son will say, "Hey, can we get stuff to make me look like one of the guys on Miami Vice for my Halloween costume."

And if you go to the thrift store after the grocery store, chances are you will find some pants that need to be hemmed shorter.

And if you are hemming the pants shorter, chances are your son will say "Hey, I can't find the cumber bun and bow tie to my tuxedo that I have to wear to the concert tonight."

And if your son asks for your expertise in finding these things, chances are you will waste 45 minutes in peril of life and limb in his room looking for the tie and cumber bun until you emerge from the ghastly disaster, triumphant.

And if you are doing a victory lap, chances are your son will say "Hey, is that zucchini bread done and can you give me a ride to the school because my car won't start."

And if you give your son a ride to the school, chances are you are going to attend the concert if you don't want to be voted worst mother of the year.

And if you attend the concert, chances are peer pressure will cause you to pay $1 for one slice of the zucchini bread you made earlier that afternoon after you spent $10 on the ingredients to make 4 loaves.

And if you bought the zucchini bread, chances are you will go into the concert where both the choir and the orchestra will perform in alternating numbers and you will watch as they set up the stage with the risers for the choir and then take them down, and set up chairs and music stands for the orchestra and then take those down, repeated until late into the night all the while your brain turns to something resembling oatmeal mush and runs out of your ears onto the floor.

And as the concert goes on and on and on and you stare aimlessly at your grey matter laying on the floor all glittery and slimy, chances are you are going to start to wonder why you ever encouraged your teenage son to be musical.

Because if your teenage son is musical....chances are he is going to play in the school orchestra.


Kristina P. said...

Wow, I really need some zucchini bread!

Jen said...


I have three sons.

And a daughter.

They're ALL musical.


The Crash Test Dummy said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha hahaha ha

I laughed out loud while reading this. SOOO Loud!

Great entry!

The Rogers Family said...

Very good. I enjoyed it.Stephen

Emily Anne Leyland ( Art-n-Sewl) said...

HAHAHA- great!!
Hey, you didn't come post in my comment box so my readers can find you. Get your hiney over there woman :)

Allison Barnes said...

Love it! I think we can all relate even if our kids aren't musical!

I'm always jealous of good writers! I'm terrible.

Good job!

Kris said...

Hey great post! I hope you win.


Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Thanks I am going to have NIGHTMARES forever!!! or at least until my kids get out of high school and I can successfully make them NOT take band! lol

You can enter my contest...its just the last chance for OCTOBERS prize! :)

Annie Valentine said...

I just put my piano AND violin up on ebay. Thanks for the warning.

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Owww...that is scary! My daughter is in music, I'm really scared what's in store for me!

Smart Helm said...

What are u talking about?!?! I thought my parents loved my concerts! (sob sob).. they went to every one of each of their 8 kids... some in band, some in orchestra, some in choir... some in both.
Mm.... maybe thats why my poor parents have lost their minds.

Funny Farmer said...

Hee Hee I am just now getting around to reading all the entries and this is soooo clever! Everyday life truly is horrifying sometimes, ain't it? Good job girl!!

Andrea said...

Very clever. Love it - the gray matter was the tops.

Chris said...

My Heavens!! This has both horror AND terror! And it's all hypothetical?!

I haven't even had children, and I'm scared.

Very well paced and funny. Thanks for the 'hypothetical' laughs!

Leslie Todd said...

My teenaged son isn't remotely musical but I can relate. Except usually he waits until the morning of to tell me what I'm supposed to help him with.

Good story!