These are a few of my favorite things about Women's Conference 2013

For seven straight years I have attended Women's Conference at BYU.  Gonna have to face it, I'm addicted.  Totally and completely.  Really no choice about whether to go or not.  And not once have I regretted the decision or sacrifice to go or had anything less than a fabulous time.

 It would be hard to say what my favorite part of the conference is.  It might be the amazing feeling of sitting in the same room with 20,000 other women who love the Lord as much as I do.  Who face struggles with children, and laundry, and what to make for dinner every day.  And yet arise each day with the resolve to try a little bit harder and be a little bit better.  And when sometimes you forget this, attending this conference helps you to remember that resolve.   I love the feeling of being one as we sing the songs of  Zion, especially my favorite - How Firm a  Foundation. 

My favorite part might be spending time with my sisters.  This year only two of them could make it, but we had a great time.  Having this time with no husbands or children is kind of precious and something that is hard to put into words.  There is something about a sister that is such a blessing in my life.

My favorite part might be the food.  Whether it is the warm spiced almonds or the world famous mint brownie, I am just here for the food.  The kettle corn is pretty awesome and this year I tried a fresh fruit parfait thingy in a waffle cone that  was both healthy and delicious.  Here is my brownie that I posted on facebook with the caption "The breakfast of champions."  This picture is amazing with the way the light catches the frosting and makes it look like it was a soft as a pillow.  The brownie was just the right amount of moist chewiness and the minty filing in the middle is just the best thing ever.

My favorite part might be the opportunity to give service at the group event that happens every Thursday night.  It is unbelievable what 20,000 women can accomplish in just 2 hours.  And I am proud to be part of the Lord's secret weapon army of sisters who serve.  We helped assemble cold care kits that had socks, gloves, a hat, and a blanket, all in a nice little bag.  We all know how much I hate to be cold, and the thought of giving the gift of warmth to those that are needing it, makes my heart warm inside.

 My favorite part might be the chance to rub shoulders with members of the General Relief Society presidency.  I was so excited when we ran into Sister Burton last year.  I hurried and got my picture with her, but the wind was blowing and I felt like I smiled too big and for the past year I have been kicking myself that I didn't get my sisters into the picture.  I pretty much lost my mind and figured I missed out on a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Here is what last year's picture looked like:  It is not bad and I do love the BYU car in the background.  But still, regrets.

 And so you can only imagine my exhilaration when I saw her walking around at the service.  I went over to her and she embraced me in the biggest hug.  I felt the Saviour's love in that hug, and it was one of the many tender mercies from the Lord that I felt that day.  And so I was thrilled when I got a do over to get a picture with all three of us.  It is much better, don't you think.  Now my regret is that I didn't ask her for advice about being the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society.  Well maybe next year.

My favorite part might be the concert that takes place after the service.  Even though you are pretty tired by the time this happens, I am never sad that I attend this evening event.  Mercy River performed a hilarious song about putting your kids to bed.  And my favorite this year was listening to Sandra Turley who has performed on Broadway.  She sang "For Good" from Wicked, as well as the most beautiful medley from Les Mis.  It was so moving and I was changed for good for having been there that night.

My favorite part might be meeting up with BYU celebrities, such as the actors from Studio C.  I adore that show and laugh out loud every time I watch it.  I had seen a picture of these life size cut outs and knew I had  to get my picture taken with them.  They were not out in the lobby, but I persevered and asked around until I found someone who would let me get my picture with them.  So funny.  I think my favorite would be the one with Matt.  He seems to be giving me an appropriately strange/ horrified look.  So fun, and one more chance to be on the campus police watch list.

My favorite part might have been the photo booth and the chance to enter all of these pictures in a Women's Conference contest to try and win a free ticket to Women's Conference next year.  I entered the most pictures, go figure.  I am not too stressed about winning because let's face I will be attending whether I win or not.  But it is fun to be in such contests and I think I should win most enthusiastic contestant.

My favorite thing might be posing with our matching tote bags that we only use for Women's Conference.  It is fun to pull it out each year and see what goodies are left from the year before.

We had to take a picture to replace last year because it looks like my arm was amputated and that was just not good.  This year is better with all of our limbs exposed.

And there you have it, just a few of the reasons that I will be going to Women's Conference for the rest of my life, even if they have to wheel me in on a gurney.  Hard to pass up the opportunity to feast spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  (I may or may not have gained quite a few pounds, but it was worth every calorie!)

Until we meet again, BYU Women's Conference.  Next year can't come fast enough.

Water Skiing August 2012 or one more family reunion post from last summer

Am I behind much?  Yes this is a post from last summer and I don't even think it is the last one.  But I am going to persevere and post as much as I can.  Going with the whole better late than never mantra.

So meanwhile back at the ranch, we had a family reunion in Spanish Fork August 2012.

My parents had a boat in Seattle and not many people wanting to use a boat.

There were many people in Spanish Fork wanting to use a boat but not having one.

So the boat moved to Utah and a beautiful relationship was born.

And by beautiful I mean the kind of relationship where you load up the car with

snacks, sunscreen, and a billion kids in swim suits with towels.

Once you get to the lake and go through the lovely process of getting the boat into the water

much of the time, it hasn't started.  This results in complaining from the kids who 

now get to play on the beach and watch the other people with functioning boats

driving past.  But this time apparently the boat read the schedule for the family 

reunion and decided to cooperate.

The kids loved riding in the tubes.  We set up a rotation where different groups with 

different interests and abilities came out at different times.  No one with a camera came

with the older boys who all water skied.

But we did get some great shots of the younger girl groups.

Here are Diana and Raeley

And here they are again.  Uncle Andrew made sure that they all got 

a great turn and then he managed to bounce them off of the tube, which of course was 

their favorite part.

Trent got a turn to drive.  He enjoyed that part as much as being in the water.

Miles was ready for a nap and went ahead and slept through the whole event.

Lizzie, Ali, and Brooklyn

Riding in the front of the boat is almost as fun as being in the tube.

The older girls, Laura, Raeley, Megan, and Diana

Laura taking a turn with the flag.  Way to go on 

a crucial but thankless job!

Christmas 2012

We celebrated  Christmas again this year.  It was strange to think that

Jared will be gone for the next two years and with Trent 

joining the National Gaurd who knows if he will get to

come home next year.  It made me think that this was the LAST 

Christmas and well that was kind of sad.  Not that you don't want your kids

to grow up, but well when it happens it seems kind of shocking.

Here is a shot of Diana posing as if she were sleeping under the tree.

Here I am experimenting with my self timer on the camera of my phone.

I love the view of my tree from the ground.  It seems to go on up forever.

And here is the view from the front. Thanks to Pinterest I used the huge, ginormous metal

star from the front of my house as the top of my tree.  It is kind of amazing.

When you work at a Christmas store, this is the kind of tree you end up having.

Hard to believe that I got the tree for free a few years ago because someone just needed

it out of their showroom.  I never though I would have a such a beautiful tree.

Jared got things for his mission like Rosetta Stone for Spanish and a GPS.  He is 

rather dependent on the GPS on his phone and so I was a bit worried to send 

him off into the world without a GPS.  He also got a few other mission related items.

Diana got her dream camera and a tall tripod to boot.  She was very happy about it.

Last year I got a short tripod which was a fail on my part.  Lucky girl.

Trent got a laptop.  Lucky lucky boy!

We also managed to make some candy and enough treats to keep everyone in

a sugar coma for a few weeks.

All in all it was a very nice time and if it was our last Christmas we can say it was a good one.

Highlights of the past few months

 Much of the time life is hard, but every now and then there
are days that pretty darn near perfect.
I suppose it is set up that way to get us to keep going
through all the hard times.  Not 100% sure how I feel
about that.  But regardless, when those happy,
joyful days come around it does tend to make you
glad that you didn't throw in the towel and give up like
you were so tempted to do.
This is a post about one such day.

But first let's look back at another perfect day, the
day Jared was sealed to us in the San Diego temple
18 years ago.  I am so grateful to have this picture to remind
me what that day looked like.

 December 1994

There have been some pretty difficult days in the past 18 years.
 Some days were so dark, I wondered if there would ever be
sunshine in my life again.  Well last December I was able to
go to the Las Vegas temple with Jared as he prepared to be
a missionary.  Trent was with us also and it was a very special day.

We are still pretty good looking aren't we?

December 2012

An early Christmas gift at the temple.

Me and my boys.

My gratitude to my Father in Heaven for blessing me with these boys and then
allowing them to be sealed to me and then to watch them grow up
and make righteous decisions, well there really aren't words for such feelings.

It just was a really good day that I will remember and cherish always.

To Have Loved and Lost

Today, on the fourteenth anniversary of THE  terrible, horrible no good, very bad day, I took my grief out of the mothballs in the closet.  Giving it a good shake to remove the cobwebs, I held it up to the sun and inspected it.  Considering how often it has been used and abused over the past fourteen years,  it is in remarkably good condition.   

Through the years I have used it less and less.   But on October 29th each year, the memories come rushing back like a tidal wave.  And no matter how much I think  that time should have built up the sandbags high enough to protect my heart, the waves of grief sweep over me once again, drawing me down into the depths of despair.  

 Often it strikes suddenly and without warning.  One minute I am driving in the car and the next I am swept down into a deep, dark place that is the memory of the unimaginable pain of losing a child through a failed adoption.  It is as if time stands still, and I am transported back to the moment I placed her last bag into the car and watched her drive away from me forever.   

And then suddenly I am back to reality, I can breathe again, the imaginary carving knife is removed from my chest and life goes on.  But I am left feeling as if the wind has been knocked from my body.  The world is gray.  Nothing tastes good.  Colors are subdued.   

As I continue working, I accomplish the tasks before me.  A phone is picked up, a question answered, an appointment set, and an email sent.  But all the time, I am bracing myself for the next assault.  For I know it will come as sure as the sun will rise each day.  

And then again without warning, another flashback to a house packed in the U-haul leaving the house dark and empty and the tears that came until late into the night.   When you have wept longer and harder than you ever thought possible, you lay on the floor limp and lifeless as a rag doll, hoping the ground will open and swallow you whole.  But that is not the way life or Heavenly Father works.  Instead you are given a chance to stretch and grow from the pain and to feel the comfort that only the Savior can offer.   

And suddenly it is time to fix dinner and pick up kids and do the things that mothers do.  Eventually the evening is over and the day, THE DREADED DAY, comes to a close.  But before I go to bed, I sit quietly in my rocking chair with that grief that is as familiar to me as my favorite pair of jeans or worn out quilt.  Rocking back and forth, as if to soothe that grief back to sleep.

  And as I rock that grief, I sing softly that eventually, all will be right.   That perhaps someday the pain will fade to a bearable level.  All the time knowing if that day were to come, I would feel that diminished pain to be a betrayal, and so I would never let it happen. 

 My grief and I, we have spent some special bonding time together through the years and today, and I am ready to place it back in the closet for another year.  Life will go on.  I will laugh and and I will smile and sometimes even cry.  Rationally I know that enjoying my life today does not mean I loved her any less.  

 But somehow, I will be forever changed by the fact that I loved and lost.  And perhaps it is OK, because I have grown used to this person I have become.  The one that keeps a special piece of my heart locked up and set aside for a blue eyed, blonde haired three year old little girl, who is now seventeen.   

We will be forever connected she and I, by an invisible thread, and someday, if not in this life, then the next, we will meet again.  And it is the joy of that day that I must cling to like a life preserver as I swim to shore out of the chilly, crippling depths of despair.

Until next year, my friend.  See ya, next year.

The Whole Famdamily

 As part of our family reunion we got family pictures taken.

Let me just say, that I don't really enjoy family pictures

because there seems to be a lot of complaining and whining

that goes along with the picture taking.
And then there are the kids comments as well.

Add that to the whole stress of what to wear, 

and it just seems to be a miserable time.

As a matter of fact, we haven't had very many family pictures since

Trent was 12.

But while we were all there we managed to stand together and we don't

look completely horrible, so there is that.

 Here is one of the three kids.

Hard to believe how grown up they have become.

And the one with the spouse.

And I do kind of like this one of me and Diana.  

Glad I took my glasses off so there wouldn't be a glare.

And here is one of the whole extended family, except for the niece who was on her honeymoon, and my brother who was in Seattle.  Probably the best we will ever do in getting this many people together at the same time, especially now that the teenage boys will start heading off on missions.

So yay for the end of another family picture taking session.  And we are all mostly still talking to each other, so it is all good.

I scream, U scream, We All Scream for Ice Cream

After being in the heat all afternoon,

what could be better than Ice cream?

I am still fascinated by the fact that you 

can get a soft serve ice cream for $1 at 

the grocery store in Utah.

One of my favorite things about visiting there.

We never make a trip to Spanish Fork without

indulging in this low cost yumminess.

(Why does spell check not know that yumminess is a word?

It is too a word.)

Taylor and Hunter

Diana, Brooklyn, Ali, and Lizzie

Tanner and Miles

Megan, Raeley, Diana, Brooklyn, Ali, and Lizzie

Whole group shot that includes Laura and Michael

Pranks and Playing at Salem Pond

After the wedding, we all hung out in Spanish Fork for a few days

for the Nelson family reunion.

One of our favorite places to go, is

Payson Pond.

If you are ever in the area and haven't been,

you should go.

There are many things to do there.

Canoeing is a favorite.

Here are Kris, Lizzie, and Laura, with Taylor in the water.

Miles is thrilled that Nathan is giving him a ride.

Grandma and Grandpa take a turn.

Those not in the canoe, made marshmallow guns.

We let everyone make the kind they wanted

and there was a big variety.

Here Lizzie is showing us her little pistol and water balloons.

That little pistol was just the right size for her.

With it, she was ready to take on the world.

Check out this picture where she takes on her cousin Michael.

She is sure she can take him, even though he and his gun are ten times bigger than she is.

My Dad and Marion establish a fortress for the marshmallow war of 2012.

They take on the teenage boys.

You can just see Brandon off behind the trees.

I think this is the best picture ever.

Grandpa is picking up some more ammunition,

Lizzie catches him at a bit of a disadvantage.

After the marshmallow war, it was time for the balloon fight.

Oh, and look we caught a snake.

Diana's turn to hold it.

Brooklyn and Ali are swimming buddies.

Close up of Diana and Raeley.

There is a chance for visiting and catching up on the latest.

Or you can lay on the grass and have a bit of a nap.

Susan is showing off her marshmallow gun.

The girls with their guns.

Here is a close up of these four girls
who are lucky to be so close in age.

And check out this picture of the four of them about ten years ago, 

My how they have all grown.

A good time was had by all at Payson Pond, once again.