These are a few of my favorite things about Women's Conference 2013

For seven straight years I have attended Women's Conference at BYU.  Gonna have to face it, I'm addicted.  Totally and completely.  Really no choice about whether to go or not.  And not once have I regretted the decision or sacrifice to go or had anything less than a fabulous time.

 It would be hard to say what my favorite part of the conference is.  It might be the amazing feeling of sitting in the same room with 20,000 other women who love the Lord as much as I do.  Who face struggles with children, and laundry, and what to make for dinner every day.  And yet arise each day with the resolve to try a little bit harder and be a little bit better.  And when sometimes you forget this, attending this conference helps you to remember that resolve.   I love the feeling of being one as we sing the songs of  Zion, especially my favorite - How Firm a  Foundation. 

My favorite part might be spending time with my sisters.  This year only two of them could make it, but we had a great time.  Having this time with no husbands or children is kind of precious and something that is hard to put into words.  There is something about a sister that is such a blessing in my life.

My favorite part might be the food.  Whether it is the warm spiced almonds or the world famous mint brownie, I am just here for the food.  The kettle corn is pretty awesome and this year I tried a fresh fruit parfait thingy in a waffle cone that  was both healthy and delicious.  Here is my brownie that I posted on facebook with the caption "The breakfast of champions."  This picture is amazing with the way the light catches the frosting and makes it look like it was a soft as a pillow.  The brownie was just the right amount of moist chewiness and the minty filing in the middle is just the best thing ever.

My favorite part might be the opportunity to give service at the group event that happens every Thursday night.  It is unbelievable what 20,000 women can accomplish in just 2 hours.  And I am proud to be part of the Lord's secret weapon army of sisters who serve.  We helped assemble cold care kits that had socks, gloves, a hat, and a blanket, all in a nice little bag.  We all know how much I hate to be cold, and the thought of giving the gift of warmth to those that are needing it, makes my heart warm inside.

 My favorite part might be the chance to rub shoulders with members of the General Relief Society presidency.  I was so excited when we ran into Sister Burton last year.  I hurried and got my picture with her, but the wind was blowing and I felt like I smiled too big and for the past year I have been kicking myself that I didn't get my sisters into the picture.  I pretty much lost my mind and figured I missed out on a once in a lifetime opportunity.  Here is what last year's picture looked like:  It is not bad and I do love the BYU car in the background.  But still, regrets.

 And so you can only imagine my exhilaration when I saw her walking around at the service.  I went over to her and she embraced me in the biggest hug.  I felt the Saviour's love in that hug, and it was one of the many tender mercies from the Lord that I felt that day.  And so I was thrilled when I got a do over to get a picture with all three of us.  It is much better, don't you think.  Now my regret is that I didn't ask her for advice about being the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society.  Well maybe next year.

My favorite part might be the concert that takes place after the service.  Even though you are pretty tired by the time this happens, I am never sad that I attend this evening event.  Mercy River performed a hilarious song about putting your kids to bed.  And my favorite this year was listening to Sandra Turley who has performed on Broadway.  She sang "For Good" from Wicked, as well as the most beautiful medley from Les Mis.  It was so moving and I was changed for good for having been there that night.

My favorite part might be meeting up with BYU celebrities, such as the actors from Studio C.  I adore that show and laugh out loud every time I watch it.  I had seen a picture of these life size cut outs and knew I had  to get my picture taken with them.  They were not out in the lobby, but I persevered and asked around until I found someone who would let me get my picture with them.  So funny.  I think my favorite would be the one with Matt.  He seems to be giving me an appropriately strange/ horrified look.  So fun, and one more chance to be on the campus police watch list.

My favorite part might have been the photo booth and the chance to enter all of these pictures in a Women's Conference contest to try and win a free ticket to Women's Conference next year.  I entered the most pictures, go figure.  I am not too stressed about winning because let's face I will be attending whether I win or not.  But it is fun to be in such contests and I think I should win most enthusiastic contestant.

My favorite thing might be posing with our matching tote bags that we only use for Women's Conference.  It is fun to pull it out each year and see what goodies are left from the year before.

We had to take a picture to replace last year because it looks like my arm was amputated and that was just not good.  This year is better with all of our limbs exposed.

And there you have it, just a few of the reasons that I will be going to Women's Conference for the rest of my life, even if they have to wheel me in on a gurney.  Hard to pass up the opportunity to feast spiritually, emotionally, and physically.  (I may or may not have gained quite a few pounds, but it was worth every calorie!)

Until we meet again, BYU Women's Conference.  Next year can't come fast enough.

The Wonderful World of Women's Conference 2012

This year was my eighth year at Women's Conference, and it was just as wonderful as always.  I don't expect to ever miss a year until I die.  This year was sad because my sister  Amie had a baby and couldn't come and my mom didn't come this year, but as you can see my other two sisters and I still managed to have some fun.

The first speaker of the conference told us when we have hard days to think back and remember the feeling of sitting in the Marriott Center with so many other righteous women.  It really is amazing.  So often as a mother I feel that I am in hand to hand combat with Satan, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed and alone.  To sit in a room full of others who share my convictions and goals to raise a righteous family is fortifying in a way that is hard to describe.  This is one of the reasons I go to Women's Conference.  That and the food.

After the first general session, my sisters and I headed up to the conference center where we listened to a wonderful class given by Chad and Michelle Lewis titled: Mormon's Warning: Arming your home and family.  While we listened we made these bunnies.  Their cuteness is somewhat questionable, but hopefully they will be given to children with nothing and that will make them look better.  They are certainly better than nothing.   That or blind children might enjoy them as well.

Brother Lewis shared a story about climbing Kilimanjaro last summer as part of the wounded warrior project.  There was a soldier from Iraq with them who had lost his leg in an injury and had a metal leg.  That soldier became too sick to go on and had to turn back, but the others told him that they would take his leg to the top even if he couldn't make it.  As they climbed the air became thinner and thinner and the task became more and more difficult.  Brother Lewis was helping carry the leg and was determined that he was strong enough to make it happen as a sign of respect for this soldier and his sacrifice.  But it became very difficult for Brother Lewis and the guide with them finally said "Let me carry the leg.  I am used to the elevation and the thin air, I climb this mountain all the time."  And so Brother Lewis let him carry the leg and he compared this to how we try to carry our own burdens and the Savior is right there trying to help us if we will only let him. He is pleading with us to cast our burdens on him, for his yolk is easy and his burden is light.   It was a wonderful class.  And such a good lesson.

Jen poses with her cute blue bunny.

Look I made a purple one.

Of course there was the BYU mint brownie consumption.  That is mandatory and a completely necessary part of the whole experience.  Look I got a corner piece.  Yummmy!

And of course there are the spiced almonds.  I have to admit to purchasing 3 of these bad boys.  One each day, and one to bring home.  How do I love these almonds?  Let me count the ways.  And the fact that they are warm when you get them is not a bad thing for warming ones hands or face.  Delectable and delicious delicacies.

Here is the group shot on day one.  After all the learning and the sewing and the eating, we went to Brick Oven for dinner with our two sisters in law.  Somehow we did not get photographic evidence of the eating going on there, but it happened, true story.  After dinner we headed back to the Smith Fieldhouse for the evening of service.

As we were about to enter the Fieldhouse, who should come out but, Sandra Rogers.  Now most of you will not know her, but she is the academic vice president of BYU.  She has also been in charge of Women's Conference for the past 8 years.  She gives wonderful talks and even better etiquette videos.  I have snapped pictures of her from the stands for years, but I never dreamed I would get this close to her.  I love this woman who is responsible for something I look forward to each year and has changed my life for good.

And then as if  Sister Rogers was not enough who should come out next, but the entire new Relief Society General presidency.  Now  those of you who know me well, (and really who would be reading this, if they didn't know me well,) will know that I had a goal to get my picture taken with this dear, sweet lady, Sister Burton.  Of course in my wildest dreams, I never really thought it would happen.  But as I posted on Facebook, the stalking Gods smiled upon us and we were able to get this picture.  Look she doesn't even seem that scared or anything.

A BYU Brownie and my picture with the new General Relief Society president, how could this day get any better?

But wait there's more.

We went into the Fieldhouse, where we helped with the finishing up of putting together 35,000 back pack kits for Title 1 schools in Utah county.  Service really is one of my favorite parts of Women's Conference.

 Then we went into the Sports Museum and I got my picture with all of the Jimmer memorabilia.  That is pretty awesome, isn't it?

 And then look we made our sister from Utah State pose with us and the cougar.  She was a good sport about it and it is a pretty cute picture of all of us.  I mean really who doesn't need a picture with a large bronze cougar?

And then it was back to the Marriott Center for the evening concert hosted once again by Hilary Weeks.  I got my picture with her last year, in case you forgot.  This evening was a tribute to Relief Society complete with a visit from Eliza  R Snow.  It was very moving and I would have to say one of the best.

Here is a Youtube video of the last song.  This video does not quit capture the magic of the moment, but you can get some idea.  Click on the button that says skip to the best part.

That was Day One.  Hard to believe that it all happened in just the span of twelve hours.  Time to head home and sleep and rest up for Day Two.

I didn't really have any classes picked out for Friday, but I noticed that Blaine Fowler and his wife were teaching a class.  He is a sportscaster and often calls  BYU Football and Basketball games.  I knew that I had to go to his class and see if I could get a picture with him.  When I got there I asked the lady at the door if she thought I might get a picture.  She said she wasn't sure because he wasn't there yet.  I went and set up position in a seat on the front row in the preferred stalking section.  It wasn't too long before the lady brought Blaine up to me and said "This is the lady that wants a picture with you."  How nice was that of her to facilitate my stalking?

This is what I had to say about this picture on Facebook:" Here is today's installment of "See Pat stalk people at Women's Conference and raise questions about her sanity or at the very least her manners." This lucky/unlucky victim is Blaine Fowler. Most of you will have no idea who he is, but he was a quarterback at BYU when I was at school there. And he went on to be a sports broadcaster. I have watched him call games on TV many times. He was very kind and a bit shocked that I would want a picture with him. Look how well he masked his inner terror in this picture? His wife was also kind to share him for a minute as if she had a choice or anything."

And next as I was walking back to the Marriott Center, who should I run into, but Sister Dibb, President Monson's daughter.  She very unsuspectingly asked me if I knew where the shuttle stop was. Of course I did and was glad to tell her, but not before I snapped this little gem.  So nice of her to come to me, even. 

And here is the group shot on day two.  Don't tell but I may or may not have snapped this while a speaker was speaking, but it was necessary before we all split up to go to different classes.

And here is one more at the end of the day.  Look at the crowd thinning out behind us.  And look how cute we are with our matching bags.  Too bad I missed the memo about bending my arm and hence ended up looking like my arm was amputated.  For any of you concerned, I do in fact have a hand at the end of my arm.

And so another successful Women's Conference comes to an end.  Sigh.  It is hard to say which part is my favorite: the speakers, or the classes, or the spirit, or the General Authorities, or the General Auxiliary Presidencies, or the musical performances, or the food, or the stalking, or the service, or the time with sisters, or the shopping in the bookstore.  Pretty much all of it is my favorite part and makes it two days of the year I can not do without.

And here is a shot of my beloved Y.  I know all of you are sick to death of hearing me go on and on about BYU, but it is a place that is near and dear to my heart.  I understand that not everyone feels the same way, and that is OK.  I don't ask that you do.  But for me, after growing up in the mission field and being alone a lot of the time, I loved going to BYU and being part of the majority.  And each year I get to relive those golden college years for two days at Women's Conference.  That is my other favorite part.  So thanks for the memories.  See you next year. 

Something Wicked this way comes!

Something very exciting and unexpected has happened to me. Its name is called I won a ticket to go see the play Wicked in Salt Lake City tomorrow.

In a rather sudden and strange turn of events, my blogger friend April posted on Monday saying that she was giving away a ticket to Wicked for this Thursday. To read about the rules and her generous generosity go here.

When I happened to read about the giveaway, well I kind of lost my mind. Even though I live in Vegas, which is far from Salt Lake, I am visiting in Spanish Fork for the week, due to the fact that it is spring break. And so serendipity, I could actually make it to a fantabulous play on Thursday afternoon. WhooHoo!!

And so I proceeded to enter, not really thinking I would win. But then the more I entered the more I thought I just might have a chance.

And I wrote this witty comment to help with my chances:

DEAR OLD SHIZ,

I don't want to pressure you, well maybe I do, but WHAT IS THIS FEELING, the feeling that I might actually win something. And to think that it is ONE SHORT DAY away. You know that you would be so POPULAR with me. And I would hate for SOMETHING BAD to happen. Please don't say I'M NOT THAT GIRL. If your husband is a SENTIMENTAL MAN maybe I have a chance. I truly would feel like DANCING THROUGH LIFE if I did win. And perhaps I could even take up DEFYING GRAVITY. THANK GOODNESS I am in Utah this week and not Vegas, because then I would be out of luck. And it would be so WONDERFUL to meet you and Robin and see the play again. Oh ticket, AS LONG AS YOUR MINE, I would be so lucky. It is sometimes true that NO GOOD DEED goes unpunished, but this is not one of those times. And I would hate to have to join a MARCH OF THE WITCH HUNTERS just to try and persuade you. OK I will stop pestering you now FOR GOOD.

Love THE WIZARD AND I

If you don't know, all the capitalized words are songs from the play.

And so after a long day on hoping and dreaming, I looked at the computer at this post.

And what to my shock and amazement, I won!!!!!!! Yipee!

It is really the most exciting thing since sliced bread, and I mean it. So in less than 24 hours I will be sitting watching an amazing play and even better meeting in person some bloggy friends/kindred spirits.

HOME ALONE

I am HOME ALONE. It is a miracle worth celebrating and hence blogging about. And who says Friday the 13th is bad luck. It appears to be one of my luckiest days, ever. (like anyone could even know that, Napoleon)

And how did this miracle come to be. Well, it took some effort on my part and the universe chipped in as well

My husband, the young men's president is up on Mt. Charleston with a tour bus full of young men and young women. It will be cold. There will be snow. The bus ride will be loud and rival any elementary school field trip in its horrors, I am sure. He made a bit of a mess in my freshly cleaned/mopped kitchen as he prepared the hot chocolate for the trip. But I have chosen to ignore it for now, and only filled one pot with water to soak.

My oldest son, is busy being gainfully employed by Wendy's. Bless his heart. And bless his manager's heart for scheduling him to work until 8 pm this evening.

My second son, also known as the cripple was forced at gun point to go on the bus full of youths. (my cousin vinny, anyone?) He came up with every reason under the sun for why he should not go. From not thinking he could not stand it, to being sure that his casted leg would not fit in the seats on the bus, to not wanting to go if his dad did. He gave it a valiant effort, but I was a force to be reckoned with. All week long I have been informing him that HE WOULD BE GOING. And all week long he has been retorting that NO HE WOULD NOT. Well, this is one battle I was determined to win. And win I did. It did involve many sprints up and down the stairs to find the necessary/acceptable clothing. But, that was worth it as well.

My daughter is at a birthday party. She was home after school, but left at 6 o'clock. So I have had 2 whole hours of complete solitary silence.

It is true when they say silence is golden. It is silver, diamond, nickel, and pearly also. And priceless. Did I mention how much I yearn to be alone?

So when my daughter left to the party with our next door neighbor, I actually shouted for joy. OUT LOUD!!! Because when you are alone, you can do that and no one cares. Because NO ONE IS HERE. It is a thing of beauty, I tell ya.

I contemplated doing cartwheels, but reconsidered given my current out of shapeness and the shortness of my hall ceiling. Not to mention the family pictures, I would most likely destroy.

Instead, I have spent my time luxuriously on the computer. When others are here, I seem to find myself always at the end of the line for cyber time. I need to work on changing that. It has been glorious. I also did fold some laundry. But mostly I just enjoyed uninterrupted computer time.

Those of you with young children know that feeling of needing some alone time, I am sure. I have taken it for granted, seeing as how all my kids have been in school full time for 3 years. Normally I get at least 6 hours of kid free time during the week. Those days are long gone, my friends. And I miss them more than I can say.

But I treasure aloneness now. And covet. Oh, the coveting that goes on. Not good.

So I had my dream date Friday night. Just me and my computer. I wonder what this says about me. Probably some statement on the lameness of my life. But that's OK with me.

Thank you Universe for that two hour gift. And the six hour break from Jared. You'll never know how much I appreciate it.

Something Old, Something New, Nothing Borrowed, Something Blue

Recently a good friend recommended that I get a new purse. She was not trying to be mean or critical, only giving me advice on things I could do to try and improve my outlook on life.

Here is a picture of my sad, forlorn purse. I loved this purse when I first got it two years ago. It was a super purchase and impulse buy at Payless Shoe source that only cost $5.


Before this purse I had a very small, boring black purse. When I purchased this one, I loved the turquoise accent. In fact I always meant to write a post about how much I loved this purse. How everything fit just perfectly in it. And how I loved the pockets on the outside that could hold my cell phone or keys. When I bought this purse, it was a huge boost in my attitude towards life. And I loved this purse even more for all that it did for me.
But as you can see the past two years have not been kind to this purse. The handles are starting to crack, and there is a whole grayish shade going on that must be due to dirt. But still, this is the purse that sat with me through all my hospital stays. It provided me with a place for my beloved and lifesaving MP3 player. Also, it supplied me with Kleenex for those really bad days. And we can not underestimate the importance of the over used credit and insurance cards. The pen to fill out forms. The envelope overfilling with medical receipts saved for tax purposes. My camera even fit nicely in one corner. It has been a good friend and companion.


So when my friend first mentioned replacing it, I reacted as if she had suggested replacing a cherished family pet. I couldn't imagine life with out it. But then I took a good look at my aging friend, and one could not deny that it is looking a bit, well depressing.


One day I was at Target for something else, and I just perused through the purse section. Nothing jumped out at me saying "Pick me to be your new best friend." Plus everything was like $30. How could I replace me bargain best friend with something I didn't really love, and paid full price for?


Several days later, I was again at Payless Shoe. Again buying shoes for my daughter. I looked through the purses there. They had many on sale, but the one I fell in love with was not included. I looked at it and felt the smooth leather beneath my finger tips. I admired the shiny nickel embellishments. I tried it on my shoulder to see how it would feel. I even took it up to the register to check to see if it might be on sale. No, it was the full $25. I told the sales girl that I would not get it, telling myself I could always come back to get it later.


My daughter told me I should get it because she liked it. She said "Get it, Get it." And so I let her push me over indecision edge and I gave in and bought it that very day.

What do you think? My boss told me it looked very classy.

I could have taken this opportune time to carefully go through everything in my old purse and purging the unnecessary junk. But that would have required energy on my part. Instead, I just held the old purse upside down and dumped everything into the new one. Much less effort.

I do like the way the new purse looks, well new. It has added a spring to my step that I was doubtful about. It is requiring an adjustment period, which I am not a fan of. Why am I so resistant to change, I wonder? And it does have something of a black hole nature, that could prove challenging at times. But overall, I am happy with the choice. It is bigger and can thus hold more junk, which I am sure I will accumulate soon.

And just so my vacuum cleaner doesn't feel persecuted, here is a shot of my old and new purse getting acquainted. I still haven't had the heart to dispose of the old purse.

A story with a happy ending.

I did not have time to speak of all the ridiculous shenanigans that went on in purchasing a new microwave two weeks ago.

Let’s just say that Home Depot, Sears, and Sam’s do not actually stock microwaves that you can carry home with you at the time of your purchase.

They do however stock some interesting/mentally challenged employees who will try to sell you a microwave that would be delivered 5 days later for a $65 dollar delivery fee.

Finally at my fourth stop, Lowes, I found a microwave I could buy that night and take home with me. And that was thanks to some online searching by my sister in Utah, via my distraught cell phone convo at the time I was driving from store to store in Vegas.

So everyone take note, just go to Lowes if you have a microwave 911 situation. Because that is exactly what I was facing. Yes it might say something about me that I could live six months without a vacuum, but not even two days without a microwave.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, even if I had to buy the microwave out of the staff lounge, I would not be returning home with out one. With me working, the children had to have a way to feed themselves.

My husband was off doing YM president stuff that involved an eight hour merit badge clinic, so hence I was alone in my quest.

This was both good news and bad news. I got to pick which one I wanted and he usually has strong opinions about such things and we usually do not spend such a large amount of money with out consenting each other. But did I mention the desperation/anxiety/end of my ropeness, I was experiencing? Think heroin addict going through withdrawals.

Yeah, so when he got home and I said "look at our beautiful new microwave." He could see by the glazed/crazed look in my eyes that it would be best to say "Looks good to me". Right answer.

He was so tired that he just took it out of the box and placed it on the counter. And there it has been functioning wonderfully for the past two weeks.

Thursday afternoon while Jared and I were gone to the hospital, my older son decided to make himself some lunch.

This is what the package looked like before an absent minded 17 year old got a hold of it and put it in my beautiful new microwave. (Cue ominous music usually reserved for horror movies.)

If one was inclined to read the directions and follow them, one might notice that one should add water to the noodles in the package and cook in microwave for 6 minutes.

If one is a 17 year old male, with better things to do than follow directions, one might just put the package in the microwave, hit 6 minutes and walk away, with nary a care in the world.

And when the house fills with the smells of an outdoor camp fire, one might expect one to notice.

But one (namely me) might find oneself extremely disappointed/dejected/deranged/in disbelief that one's house now smells like it has had a fire pit burning in the living room.

This is what I met my eyes when I opened the microwave.

And no amount of cleaning, opening of windows, spraying of air freshener, or ranting and raving, made any difference the first day. I finally realized that the smell was in the microwave itself. The inside was permanently stained a golden brown. No amount of bleach even made a dent. And I think the filters and inside were permanently charred.

I tried not to despair that my brand new microwave now smelt to high heaven of burnt offerings. But I was tempted to make some burnt offerings of my own, if you know what I mean.

I put the microwave in the garage, and that did help a bit with the smell in the house. It is still smelly, though.

My sister told me I should take it back, because you can take anything back the first 30 days. I wasn't so convinced, but I figured I didn't have anything to loose.

So here is Diana doing a very nice Vanna impression as we are taking the microwave into Lowes.

Did I mention that by some divine intervention, I for once had purchased the extended warranty on the darn thing? I don't think it mattered, but it couldn't have hurt.

I walked up to the return desk at 8:30 pm and told the girl at the register that I needed to return my microwave. She asked why, and I said because it smells of smoke and I can't keep it. She asked what happened, and I openly admitted that my son had burned something in it.

At this point the manager was called. He asked the same questions, and I was equally open with him. He checked my receipt and because it was less that 30 days, he said they would refund my money.

And so the same guy that loaded/crammed it into the back seat of my car, helped me out with a brand new microwave. And we left the burnt offering back at Lowe's.

It seems to good to be true. But this time, a tragic event has actually worked out to be Okay. Who'd have thunk it?

Self Esteem File

The other night when I couldn't sleep, I went to a comment party over at Crash Test Dummies. It was so much fun although eventually it turned to singing 99 bottles of milk, pete and repeat, and knock knock jokes.

But before the super silliness set in, we were talking about that fun post Crash did in my behalf. I mentioned that I need to print it all out and put it in my self esteem file.

Just what is a self esteem file, you ask? To clarify, it is not something clever I thought up, but something I stumbled upon in my online search for help with depression.

Any of you who struggle with similar challenges might want to check out Beliefnet.com. It is a treasure trove of inspiring helpful ideas. One of the contributers is Therese Borchard who writes a blog titled Beyond Blue.

And so I have plagiarized her idea and post about "how to start a self esteem file" to share with all of you. Except I am giving her credit and linky love, so is that plagiarizing? Hopefully/probly not.

(this is kind of long, but Therese is funny and inspiring, so hang in there, or not, your choice)

By Therese Borchard

Three years ago I walked into my therapist's office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.

So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it "The Self-Esteem File." Here are 10 steps for starting your own

Step 1: Identify 10 Strengths in Yourself

My therapist first told me to try to identify 10 of my strengths--10 positive qualities about myself--and to write them down on a piece of paper. This first step, trying to recognize your own assets, and to begin, ever so slightly, to believe in yourself again, is the most important. And the most difficult.

Think hard about what people have told you in the past: things that you do especially well, or personality traits they admire. Think about your job. Why are you good at it? Or about your hobby. What makes you enjoy it? What is that something special about you?

You might also go through old birthday cards, or report cards, or annual reviews (excerpting ONLY the positive), think back to past conversations with friends, page through photo albums and scrapbooks--anything to recall those times when people recognized your talents and assets and expressed appreciation for them.

Step 2: Come Up with Four People to List Your Strengths

If you were unable to come up with 10 positive traits about yourself, I totally understand that. Because the first time I tried to do it, I couldn't get there either. I stopped at two: I had a nice-shaped nose and thick fingernails.

And those two qualities weren't exactly making me feel whole again.

So here's the next step: come up with four people who will write that list for you. Now, I know what you're thinking: if I had four people in my life who would tell me why I am wonderful, then I wouldn't have low self-esteem...right? Of course, it's not that simple. But I'm thinking that there are four people in your life who could do this for you. Not necessarily friends, but maybe coworkers, or siblings, or teachers, or pastors, or mail carriers. Think about people who have complimented you in the past. Go there.

Step 3: Make Four Friends

If you still can't think of four people in your life who could identify and list 10 of your assets, then you need to make more friends. And I have some ideas on how to do that!

Go read my post "12 Ways to Make Friends," in which I mention a few strategies like: joining a book club, volunteering with a charity or civic association, getting involved with your church, going online and joining a group like "Group Beyond Blue," seeking a support group, taking a night class, getting a dog (pet owners stick together), "stealing" friends from other friends (my favorite), carpooling to work, attending a conference, connecting with your alumni associations, and talking to strangers (which is how I met my guardian angel, Ann).

Step 4: Ask Your Friends to Make the List

Now that you have at least four people who can ideally compile a list of positive traits for you, what do you say to them?

I know. This is not easy. Because it is admitting that you are, well, in a bit of a rut. Which is why you can make up something like the following (which isn't a lie, really!): "For a project I'm doing with an online group, I need to assign four people with the task of listing 10 positive traits about me. I thought of you since you're such a positive and complimentary person. Would you ever consider doing that for me?"

If you know the friend well, you might say something a tad more revealing: "Hey, you know, I've been feeling really down on myself, and someone suggested that I have my friends compile a list of my character strengths, because I can't really see any. Would you mind doing that for me?"

Step 5: Buy a Folder and a Label

Next comes one of the easier steps: simply drive (or walk) to the drugstore or to an office-supply shop and buy a folder. Any color. Any style. Write the words "Self-Esteem File" on the front. Make it so obvious that you would be embarrassed if anyone found it.

Why? Because if your home catches on fire, you want to be sure to grab the right file: the one with all the warm fuzzies inside.

Step 6: Start Collecting Letters

One by one, as you collect your letters of affirmation, place them in the self-esteem file. If two weeks go by and you haven't received anything, which makes you feel worse than when you started this project (my apologies), say something like this to your four people: "Um, I gave you a very important assignment that you've blown off so far. Now get your butt off the couch and start writing!" Or something like that.

Step 7: Find More Friends

Most of the time, one, two, three, or four of your friends won't follow through on their promise, which is why you need a list of four additional people to serve as alternatives in case your lazy so-called friends bail on this task. So, review Step 3 on the different ways you can meet friends, and say to your additional four people something like this:

"As you may or may not be aware, I need some affirmations. Lots of them. Could you please list 10 positive qualities about me? Why are you my friend? Why do you return my calls?" (If they don't, skip that one.) "What would you say at my funeral?" (But reassure them that you have no plans to die right now.) "You see, I am starting a self-esteem file, and I'd love for your positive words to be among the first pieces to fill it."

Step 8: Propose an Affirmation Exchange

If asking friends for a list of 10 positive traits still has you a bit freaked out, because it is asking something of someone, and I know how hard that can be, here's an idea: propose an exchange of affirmations.

I'll rub your back if you rub mine. I tell you 10 positive things about you, and you tell me 10 about me. A little collaboration. That's not so scary, right?

Step 9: Continue to Collect Affirmations

Become an affirmation hoarder. That's right. Whenever anyone says anything remotely positive ("You smell interesting today"), record it: on a Post-It, legal pad, receipt, or on anything that you can shove into your self-esteem file. Pretend you are a New York Times reporter with the assignment of breaking the story that you are a precious, lovable, wonderful human being that so many people in this world appreciate, respect, and admire.

Put into your file all those letters, cards, notes, emails that are complimentary in any way. Look also for "proof" in the past that you are worthy and lovable: professional feedback, birthday cards, thank-you notes, Mother's Day presents (if they are made of paper), Valentines.

Step 10: Read It!

As you watch your self-esteem file widen, fatten, thicken, and grow, a curious thing might happen...you might not depend on it so much. You'll graduate to what David Burns, M.D., author of "10 Days to Self-Esteem" calls "unconditional self-esteem." Explains Burns: "You realize that self-esteem is a gift that you and all human beings receive at birth. Your worthwhileness is already there and you don't have to earn it."

That hasn't happened to me yet, and it's been three years since I started my file. I still read it fairly often, and continue to stock it full of affirmations whenever I get one. This is true, though: because of my self-esteem file, I no longer feel like a donut. I have a center, and I am loved.

Ok I am back. Isn't that a great idea? And if you are not in the depths of despair right now, you could prepare one of these things for a rainy day. Because I have learned that no matter who you are, we all get a turn in the refiners fire. Just saying.

And wasn't that so cute how she felt like a Krispy Kreme donut? She may have felt dead inside, but at least her taste buds were still alive. I know just how she felt.

In all honesty, I have not actually done every step of this great idea. Perhaps now that my life is calming down, I could actually put it together. The good news for me is that I have way more than 4 friends so half of this assignment is done. Several of them have already written me such a letter, thanks to some of my posts on here. And their letters have helped. In addition, I have joined an online support group called the blogosphere. Which by the way is a great record of postitive affirmations.

I think for those of us who have one, you would have to include your patriarchal blessing. I can't think of a better friend who knows and believes in each of our strengths than our Heavenly Father. So don't forget about that Heavenly High Five when you are feeling low.

Arighty then people get those post it notes ready and start recording those affirmations.

Ready. Begin.

Foot-a-lishous

Last week, I found a gift card to get a pedicure. I have had it knocking around in my purse for a year. Seeing as how I was in desperate need of pampering, it seemed like just the thing to do. So I got my first pedicure ever in my whole entire life. I know, I know, where have I been, how is this possible? All very good questions, to which the answer is that I really don't care if my nails are painted. It is just not a priority to me, so paying someone else to do it, not really high on my list. Crazy, I know. Now that I have had a pedicure, I did like it, but I still don't think I would spend my own money on such a thing. It was blissfully peaceful to sit in the massage chair. I turned my phone off during the hour it took. When I turned my phone back on, Jared called just minutes later. So good call on turning it off, on my part. And then my sandals were going to mess up the paint job, so they gaveme these stylish shoes to wear home. Nice, huh?

I Heart Elder Uchtdorf

Dear Elder Uchtdorf,

Thank you so much for speaking with me tonight. I appreciate the time you took giving me your words of compassion, comfort, and cheer. How did you know that was exactly what I needed to hear. Because of you, I will go on trying and working and most of all serving others. I even think that advice would be awesome and helpful to my son. I will look for ways he can help others as well. I wanted you to know what a difference you made, in case you couldn't tell.

Thanks again for being there for me,

Love, Sister Hammond

p.s. I can cook fried eggs also, and sometimes I burn my french bread, I feel a special bond with you now, but not in a scary, stalker kind of way, so don't worry.

Here's my plan

It is tomorrow and the sun has come out, because hey it is Vegas. It is still in the high 90's. In reading yesterday's post it occurred to me that there are some things I can do, I can control. So here is a list of some things I will do to try to help heal my heart.

Buy myself some fresh beautiful flowers. When you feel dead inside, it is good to have live things around. And flowers don't talk, always a plus.

Burn some sweet smelling candles. You can try to trick your senses into feeling better.

Listen to good uplifting music. I have songs that can lift my spirits and help me feel hope if but for a few minutes. My Saviour shall supply my need, is one of my favorite calming, everything will be ok songs.

I will force myself to eat, whether I want to or not. You must put gas in the tank if you want to drive the car. I know this, I just forget sometimes.

I will forgive myself and be my own best friend. I have to admit to giving myself a pretty hard time lately. Hey me, lighten up! I am doing the best I can under ridiculous circumstances. Give me a break, OK. Eventually I will go back to my high functioning self.

To help defuse stress and depression I am going to try exercising. I have joined a gym for the first time in my life. I haven't actually gone and exercised yet, but Monday I meet with a personal trainer. I will tell her "what program would you suggest for a person who has the physical fitness of a slug." This will help fight my high cholesterol and help with that worry as well. I wonder how many points joining a gym takes off your cholesterol? What you say I have to actually go and exercise. Oh, OK. Also I wont be able to hear Jared at the gym, an added bonus.

I will keep up the basics of filling my spiritual bucket. You know the standard prayer and scripture study. I have just been called to teach gospel doctrine, so I will have a built in reason to do this. I was very sad to leave Young Women's but I am slowly starting to embrace this new phase of my life. Mandatory scripture reading is never a bad thing. I do feel as though I have a hole the size of a cannon in my bucket right now. This does concern me as to how will I feed the ward from my empty bucket. But perhaps the Lord knows more than me, and this will help to repair the hole in my bucket.

So there you have it. A plan of action. Now that I have written it down, it will have to happen, right. So I am making progress. Now you can all worry about me a little bit less. I would welcome any other ideas others have had in healing from loss

Massages, blood work, and dinner

This afternoon I went and got a massage. It was beyond wonderful, although an insurance snafu kept me from getting adjusted at the chiropractor. Another topic of discussion: Health Insurance Companies, spawn of Satan, yes or no? I shouldn't dis on them since they are probably saving my about $100k, but I really needed that adjustment. Oh well, next week, I will go to my normal doctor and get a referral, just like the insurance company wants me to do. So raspberries to them. :p

Then I successfully picked up the rest of Jared's medication. Yea no more trips to the pharmacy. Jared's blood work from yesterday looked really good. In order to switch from IV antibiotics to oral ones, his ESR number has to be less than 30 and his CRP number has to be less than 2. Last week when we left the hospital, his ESR number was 100 and his CRP number was 26. His blood yesterday showed that his ESR is down to 40 and his CRP is 1.1. That seems like a huge improvement to me.

My friend Tammy made us yummy chicken roll ups for dinner, complete with a loaf of homemade bread. She also kept Diana entertained for most of the day. Diana continues to complain about her ear hurting. I am on the fence about taking her back in. I called and they said that sometimes it just takes longer for the antibiotics to kick in. I guess we will wait a few more days. Still no rash. So good news there.

The Calvary is Coming!

My mom just called to say that she will be on a plane today and be here tonight. Yay, sometime you just need your mom, no matter how old you are. Diana might come home too, because she is kind of homesick, and I am homesick for her as well.

I heart Susan Tanner

I will miss seeing and hearing from Sis. Tanner at church meetings. Very shortly after she was called, she came to a regional training meeting here in Vegas. Because of my then stake calling, I was invited to the meeting. I felt an immediate connection with her as I heard her speak. She told about her calling to be the General Young Women's President. She related how she came home to find a message from her husband telling her that she needed to go and meet with President Hinkley. She then said her first reaction was "I don't want to meet with President Hinkley." Since then I have heard her speak many times and have benefited from her wisdom and faith. Last year I managed to snap a shot of her at women's conference, and I am so glad I did since she will not be there this year. I attended her class and one of the things she said really stuck with me. It was when her daughters told about how she would repeatedly say "Has the day of miracles cease, I say, Nay!" I love that optimistic attitude.
I also got to hear Sis Dalton speak as well last year and I look forward to being led by her. She told a very funny story about her only daughter at the conference. Apparently, one day when she was dropping her daughter off at kindergarten, her daughter fell and she accidentally ran over her with the car. Fortunately, it was winter and between her daughter's snow suit and the snow on the road, her daughter was not even hurt. Sis Dalton just brushed her off and said, "Go on into school." Sis Dalton did feel a bit badly though when she noticed a tire mark on her daughters back. You gotta love and relate to another mother like that. :)

I'm running away from home!

Seriously, through some rather strange turn of events, I am flying to Seattle for a four day trip. I will be there with my three sisters. It will be very nice to have a little break from the hamster wheel. There is not very much going on this weekend, so it is a good time to go. I will miss the primary program on Sunday, which I did not even realize was happening when I made my plans. I actually have not been home in over a year, and it will be good to visit.

I'm Back!

I returned safely home yesterday. I feel like I have had my batteries completely recharged. Women's Conference was completely wonderful in every way. As they say in Veggie Tales "I laughed, I cried, it moved me Bob!" It would be impossible to say which part was the best. One great time was when it was pouring buckets on Thursday I managed to score the last umbrella. The ones on the table were all gone, but as I was standing in line a guy behind the counter held up an umbrella and asked who wanted it. I jumped up and down and said ME, ME. You might say that like Ester I was the right person, in the right place, at the right time. The story of Ester was the theme for the whole conference. Sister Watson Nelson gave a glorious talk about making sure we are fulfilling our mission. Another highlight was hearing from the General Young Women's presidency and their daughters. It was a great class, try to see it rebroadcast if you can.

I also thoroughly enjoyed getting to hear from the new General Relief Society presidency. It was fun to get to know the two new counselors. Sis Allred is from South America and raised 8 children. She talked about turning our homes into mini MTC's. Sis Thompson is a doll that we will all love to hear from for the next few years. She talked about her call and how inadequate she felt. She said her first thoughts when her Bishop called to tell her to meet with Pres. Faust were 1. What am I going to wear? and 2. How can I lose 100 pounds before I am sustained in General Conference next week? She then related how she told Pres Faust about feeling inadequate. She shared his response"Sister Thompson we are all just ordinary people, trying to do the Lord's work. I will pray for you, if you will pray for me." I was touched by this story. And then Sis Beck gave a wonderful talk about how we can offer "relief" to today's world. She said that if ever there was a time when the whole world needs relief, it is today and we are the ones who can give it.

Friday afternoon Elder Holland and his wife Pat gave the closing address. I was sitting down next to the tunnel where they would come out. I had my camera in hand, in hopes of getting a shot of them and the other church leaders. The Hollands came out to do a sound check and I missed getting the picture because it was so early. After they checked the sound they walked back into the tunnel and Pres. Holland stopped along the way to shake just a few hands. I was one of just 10 or 15, who got to shake his hand. This was especially thrilling to me, since he was the president of BYU when I attended. He and his wife gave a very encouraging talk about not underestimating ourselves or giving up hope. At the end Elder Holland blessed all of us to be happy, peaceful, grateful, aware of our divine worth, to find a way through our trials, to find answers to prayers, and to know that there are good days before us. There was an amazing spirit present and I have never felt anything quite like it.

The drive home was also pretty uneventful. I stopped at the cheese factory in Beaver and bought some curds, much to the delight of my family. And I stopped in St. George and had some really yummy nachos.

All in all it could not have been better. All of you should start arranging your schedules and making plans to go next year. I will see you there because I am completely addicted and plan on going every year until I die.