Tim Tam Slim Slam Jim Jam Wham Bam Kin Can Flim Flam Blog Lunch

Oh my goodness, Oh my gadness! Today was just the best day ever!!!!!.

For any of you in the dark, I am still in Utah and one of the biggest reasons for my staying so long was to attend the fantabulous blog lunch with the famous Crash Test Dummy.

It was the most bestest Tim Tam Slim Slam Jim Jam Wham Bam Kin Can Flim Flam Event ever.

First for any of you who were not able to attend, I am so sorry for your loss, but nani nani boo boo to you. It was way too much fun. I am not sure that Olive Garden will ever let us back because we were partying like it is 2009, because it is, silly.

So far I have only met about 10 blog friends, but I can say in every case, bloggers in real life are better than they seem in cyber space. They are funnier, prettier, wittier, and way sillier.

There is something so unique about meeting people for the first time, who already know you. The real you, well, at least the one you have carefully crafted on your blog.

The only downside was that I was so busy visiting and taking pictures and giving autographs that I didn't even have time to eat. Next time we should go somewhere that I don't really like the food.

Driving there I felt giddy with anticipation and nervousness. Kind like when you are a teenager and you are driving to a stake dance and wondering will I meet someone tonight, perhaps the love of my life? Well, something like that anyway.

And I relied on my memory from when I used to live here, because why wouldn't I know exactly where to go after 20 years? Mapquest, schmapquest. I don't need no stinking map. I only drove around aimlessly for an extra 10 minutes, all the while worrying that I would miss some of the fun.

Finally I arrived. Julie from Youngblood was sitting in the car next to me, but I wasn't quite sure it was her. Barb from Barbaloot Suit walked in next, wearing her snazzy red shoes and looking as cute as can be. Next Debbie from Cranberry Fries came through the door.

Finally the belle of the ball, Crash aka Debbie showed up. She was sporting her cute new hair doo and snappy red purse. Hugs were exchanged all around. And jumping up and down was definitely required. To meet in person, people who comment on your thoughts and validate you as a person is something incredible and definitely worthy of jubilation.

I know that without my blog friends I would not have survived this past year. NO way, NO how. And so to actually get to squeeze these people and feel of their love in person, it was so wonderful.

Next we saw Kristina P getting out of her car and Crash made us all hide by the bathroom and jump out and yell "Suprise". So much fun.

Kristina P showed up with Britany and Jillybean. Did you know that Kristina P got Brittany a baby? Well she did and a whole hearted congratulations to Brittany. Apparently Kristina's hair dresser's roommate has an unplanned pregnancy and plans to place with Brittany in October. I know it will be beyond wonderful. Good job Kristina!

I think Shelle was next to arrive. It is kind of a blur. She was looking cute and chic as ever in her black high heels.

At this point the hostess was anxious to clear the waiting area of this estrogenfest and herded us back to our table.

I have to admit to strategically placing myself next to Crash. No way was I going to sit at the other end of the table from her.

The conversation at the table was at warp speed. It made my head spin at times. What else would you expect when so many bloggers get together. So many words, so little time. Dang.

A little bit later Funny Farmer, The Crazy Lady, and Val of the South arrived. More hugging. More talking. Way more laughing and giggling. Val had baked a loaf of bread complete with homemade jam. So thoughtful of her. The Crazy Lady had her adorable 6 week old baby. She was perfectly behaved and slept through the whole lunch. The baby, not crazy lady.

There was an amazing sisterhood that is hard to put into words. Kind of like drinking fizzy lifting drinks in Willy Wonka.

And then of course the cameras came out and the picture taking began. It was a bit out of control. And several different times, our documentation got in the way of the waiters trying to earn a living serving people their food while it was still hot. Jeez Louise people, where are your priorities?

Here are Crash and Kristina modeling the lovely snuggy and look at the cute Crash Test embellishment that Jill made.

Next Shelle had a turn with the snuggy. Check out the waiter in the background, do you think he is wondering what kind of lunatics we are? Blogging ones, of course. Stupid question.

And I even got a turn with the snuggy. And of course I needed to make the screaming face.

Here are Shelle, Crash, and I. Check out Crash's camera, serious stuff.

Here every one is trying out the Nutty Hamster Chick screaming face. I really should invest in a trademark for that, it might be worth something. From left to right, Shelle, Crash, Funny Farmer, Me, and Barb.

We spent about 10 minutes screaming trying to get the perfect shot. So funny.

Here we are with Val of the South strutting our stuff. Sorry about the bunny ears, Val.

And here is a shot of me giving my first autograph ever. Crash's brother wanted every one's autograph. So strange. I can't for the life of me imagine why. He said that some day these autographs would be worth a fortune. Um, I don't think so, but why not humor the little people. And just so you know, famous bloggers put their pants on one leg at a time. They just might stop in the middle to check their comments.

And finally one with me and Crash. She is just as sweet, cute, clever, and witty as she seems in her posts.

Thanks Crash for planning this wondrous fiesta. It was a total blast. I need to drive up more often for such opportunities.

Seriously Crash, you are da bomb. And so are the rest of you. See ya round the blogosphere.

Self Esteem File

The other night when I couldn't sleep, I went to a comment party over at Crash Test Dummies. It was so much fun although eventually it turned to singing 99 bottles of milk, pete and repeat, and knock knock jokes.

But before the super silliness set in, we were talking about that fun post Crash did in my behalf. I mentioned that I need to print it all out and put it in my self esteem file.

Just what is a self esteem file, you ask? To clarify, it is not something clever I thought up, but something I stumbled upon in my online search for help with depression.

Any of you who struggle with similar challenges might want to check out Beliefnet.com. It is a treasure trove of inspiring helpful ideas. One of the contributers is Therese Borchard who writes a blog titled Beyond Blue.

And so I have plagiarized her idea and post about "how to start a self esteem file" to share with all of you. Except I am giving her credit and linky love, so is that plagiarizing? Hopefully/probly not.

(this is kind of long, but Therese is funny and inspiring, so hang in there, or not, your choice)

By Therese Borchard

Three years ago I walked into my therapist's office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.

So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it "The Self-Esteem File." Here are 10 steps for starting your own

Step 1: Identify 10 Strengths in Yourself

My therapist first told me to try to identify 10 of my strengths--10 positive qualities about myself--and to write them down on a piece of paper. This first step, trying to recognize your own assets, and to begin, ever so slightly, to believe in yourself again, is the most important. And the most difficult.

Think hard about what people have told you in the past: things that you do especially well, or personality traits they admire. Think about your job. Why are you good at it? Or about your hobby. What makes you enjoy it? What is that something special about you?

You might also go through old birthday cards, or report cards, or annual reviews (excerpting ONLY the positive), think back to past conversations with friends, page through photo albums and scrapbooks--anything to recall those times when people recognized your talents and assets and expressed appreciation for them.

Step 2: Come Up with Four People to List Your Strengths

If you were unable to come up with 10 positive traits about yourself, I totally understand that. Because the first time I tried to do it, I couldn't get there either. I stopped at two: I had a nice-shaped nose and thick fingernails.

And those two qualities weren't exactly making me feel whole again.

So here's the next step: come up with four people who will write that list for you. Now, I know what you're thinking: if I had four people in my life who would tell me why I am wonderful, then I wouldn't have low self-esteem...right? Of course, it's not that simple. But I'm thinking that there are four people in your life who could do this for you. Not necessarily friends, but maybe coworkers, or siblings, or teachers, or pastors, or mail carriers. Think about people who have complimented you in the past. Go there.

Step 3: Make Four Friends

If you still can't think of four people in your life who could identify and list 10 of your assets, then you need to make more friends. And I have some ideas on how to do that!

Go read my post "12 Ways to Make Friends," in which I mention a few strategies like: joining a book club, volunteering with a charity or civic association, getting involved with your church, going online and joining a group like "Group Beyond Blue," seeking a support group, taking a night class, getting a dog (pet owners stick together), "stealing" friends from other friends (my favorite), carpooling to work, attending a conference, connecting with your alumni associations, and talking to strangers (which is how I met my guardian angel, Ann).

Step 4: Ask Your Friends to Make the List

Now that you have at least four people who can ideally compile a list of positive traits for you, what do you say to them?

I know. This is not easy. Because it is admitting that you are, well, in a bit of a rut. Which is why you can make up something like the following (which isn't a lie, really!): "For a project I'm doing with an online group, I need to assign four people with the task of listing 10 positive traits about me. I thought of you since you're such a positive and complimentary person. Would you ever consider doing that for me?"

If you know the friend well, you might say something a tad more revealing: "Hey, you know, I've been feeling really down on myself, and someone suggested that I have my friends compile a list of my character strengths, because I can't really see any. Would you mind doing that for me?"

Step 5: Buy a Folder and a Label

Next comes one of the easier steps: simply drive (or walk) to the drugstore or to an office-supply shop and buy a folder. Any color. Any style. Write the words "Self-Esteem File" on the front. Make it so obvious that you would be embarrassed if anyone found it.

Why? Because if your home catches on fire, you want to be sure to grab the right file: the one with all the warm fuzzies inside.

Step 6: Start Collecting Letters

One by one, as you collect your letters of affirmation, place them in the self-esteem file. If two weeks go by and you haven't received anything, which makes you feel worse than when you started this project (my apologies), say something like this to your four people: "Um, I gave you a very important assignment that you've blown off so far. Now get your butt off the couch and start writing!" Or something like that.

Step 7: Find More Friends

Most of the time, one, two, three, or four of your friends won't follow through on their promise, which is why you need a list of four additional people to serve as alternatives in case your lazy so-called friends bail on this task. So, review Step 3 on the different ways you can meet friends, and say to your additional four people something like this:

"As you may or may not be aware, I need some affirmations. Lots of them. Could you please list 10 positive qualities about me? Why are you my friend? Why do you return my calls?" (If they don't, skip that one.) "What would you say at my funeral?" (But reassure them that you have no plans to die right now.) "You see, I am starting a self-esteem file, and I'd love for your positive words to be among the first pieces to fill it."

Step 8: Propose an Affirmation Exchange

If asking friends for a list of 10 positive traits still has you a bit freaked out, because it is asking something of someone, and I know how hard that can be, here's an idea: propose an exchange of affirmations.

I'll rub your back if you rub mine. I tell you 10 positive things about you, and you tell me 10 about me. A little collaboration. That's not so scary, right?

Step 9: Continue to Collect Affirmations

Become an affirmation hoarder. That's right. Whenever anyone says anything remotely positive ("You smell interesting today"), record it: on a Post-It, legal pad, receipt, or on anything that you can shove into your self-esteem file. Pretend you are a New York Times reporter with the assignment of breaking the story that you are a precious, lovable, wonderful human being that so many people in this world appreciate, respect, and admire.

Put into your file all those letters, cards, notes, emails that are complimentary in any way. Look also for "proof" in the past that you are worthy and lovable: professional feedback, birthday cards, thank-you notes, Mother's Day presents (if they are made of paper), Valentines.

Step 10: Read It!

As you watch your self-esteem file widen, fatten, thicken, and grow, a curious thing might happen...you might not depend on it so much. You'll graduate to what David Burns, M.D., author of "10 Days to Self-Esteem" calls "unconditional self-esteem." Explains Burns: "You realize that self-esteem is a gift that you and all human beings receive at birth. Your worthwhileness is already there and you don't have to earn it."

That hasn't happened to me yet, and it's been three years since I started my file. I still read it fairly often, and continue to stock it full of affirmations whenever I get one. This is true, though: because of my self-esteem file, I no longer feel like a donut. I have a center, and I am loved.

Ok I am back. Isn't that a great idea? And if you are not in the depths of despair right now, you could prepare one of these things for a rainy day. Because I have learned that no matter who you are, we all get a turn in the refiners fire. Just saying.

And wasn't that so cute how she felt like a Krispy Kreme donut? She may have felt dead inside, but at least her taste buds were still alive. I know just how she felt.

In all honesty, I have not actually done every step of this great idea. Perhaps now that my life is calming down, I could actually put it together. The good news for me is that I have way more than 4 friends so half of this assignment is done. Several of them have already written me such a letter, thanks to some of my posts on here. And their letters have helped. In addition, I have joined an online support group called the blogosphere. Which by the way is a great record of postitive affirmations.

I think for those of us who have one, you would have to include your patriarchal blessing. I can't think of a better friend who knows and believes in each of our strengths than our Heavenly Father. So don't forget about that Heavenly High Five when you are feeling low.

Arighty then people get those post it notes ready and start recording those affirmations.

Ready. Begin.

Feeling the love

A very dear friend of mine, threw me a surprise friendship party. Go here if you want to share in my "It's a wonderful life" moment.

She put all of my favorite things in the friendship basket. Well most of them anyway. And all of my blog sisters wrote the kindest things about me. I hope they know how much they mean to me. I know they are part of the way the Lord is helping me through each day.

Thanks everyone.

I'll Get by with a little Help from my Friends

" A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."- Arabian Proverb"


Since I cried out for support last week, I have been overwhelmed with the response of my friends. One brought me flowers, another a 3 pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Many of you have posted comments of love or e-mailed me personally. These notes mean more than you will ever know. It is amazing how much a simple word of encouragement can mean. It is like a ray of sunlight in the middle of the night. Other friends have called to chat and have checked up on me.

"A friend is like a good bra: hard to find, comfortable, supportive, always lifts you up, makes you look better, never lets you down or leaves you hanging, and always close to your heart." - Unknown

One friend was at a Missionary Not Open house in Utah. As a group of people were talking, she suddenly overheard that one of the guys plays on the BYU football team. Being the true friend that she is, she asked this young man to sign an autograph for her friend, namely me. She had him make it out to me personally and actually asked him if he had heard of me. I think it is a good sign that he had not. He is a third string wide receiver and I have not personally stalked him, yet. So good news, there have not been any public warnings given about me at any team meetings. You know it would go something like this "Beware of a crazy old lady with a picture of a turkey bone that looks like a "Y". And how awesome is it that my friends are now stalking BYU football players in my behalf. A sign of true friendship.

"A friend is someone who believes in you even when you have ceased to believe in yourself." - Unknown

I was especially grateful for one friend's advice that when you feel overwhelming grief, you should get down on your knees and pray thanking Heavenly Father for every single thing you can think of until the sadness leaves your heart. I could tell from her letter that she has done this personally and had it work for her. Some how there is such comfort in knowing that others have felt the way I do at this time before in their life.

"Friendship doubles our joy and divides our grief."
-Swedish Proverb

I still feel a bit silly for letting the mask of coping and competency fall from my face for a day. But having others understand what I am going through is also huge. How can others help to bear my burdens if I don't let them know I am struggling. I am feeling so much better about things this week. I got some needed R&R this weekend. And we are a week closer to getting some answers, so that is always good.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."-"
-C. S. Lewis