Friday, September 26, 2008

Here's my plan

It is tomorrow and the sun has come out, because hey it is Vegas. It is still in the high 90's. In reading yesterday's post it occurred to me that there are some things I can do, I can control. So here is a list of some things I will do to try to help heal my heart.

Buy myself some fresh beautiful flowers. When you feel dead inside, it is good to have live things around. And flowers don't talk, always a plus.

Burn some sweet smelling candles. You can try to trick your senses into feeling better.

Listen to good uplifting music. I have songs that can lift my spirits and help me feel hope if but for a few minutes. My Saviour shall supply my need, is one of my favorite calming, everything will be ok songs.

I will force myself to eat, whether I want to or not. You must put gas in the tank if you want to drive the car. I know this, I just forget sometimes.

I will forgive myself and be my own best friend. I have to admit to giving myself a pretty hard time lately. Hey me, lighten up! I am doing the best I can under ridiculous circumstances. Give me a break, OK. Eventually I will go back to my high functioning self.

To help defuse stress and depression I am going to try exercising. I have joined a gym for the first time in my life. I haven't actually gone and exercised yet, but Monday I meet with a personal trainer. I will tell her "what program would you suggest for a person who has the physical fitness of a slug." This will help fight my high cholesterol and help with that worry as well. I wonder how many points joining a gym takes off your cholesterol? What you say I have to actually go and exercise. Oh, OK. Also I wont be able to hear Jared at the gym, an added bonus.

I will keep up the basics of filling my spiritual bucket. You know the standard prayer and scripture study. I have just been called to teach gospel doctrine, so I will have a built in reason to do this. I was very sad to leave Young Women's but I am slowly starting to embrace this new phase of my life. Mandatory scripture reading is never a bad thing. I do feel as though I have a hole the size of a cannon in my bucket right now. This does concern me as to how will I feed the ward from my empty bucket. But perhaps the Lord knows more than me, and this will help to repair the hole in my bucket.

So there you have it. A plan of action. Now that I have written it down, it will have to happen, right. So I am making progress. Now you can all worry about me a little bit less. I would welcome any other ideas others have had in healing from loss


An AZ Girl in TX said...

Well, I know that when things aren't going so great it does wonders to spend time (as in a date) alone and yes I do mean completely alone with Andrew. So, maybe you and Marion could go out somewhere and put your phones on silent for a little while and have some fun together...
Hmmm baby Logan calls... he must be hungry! Talk to you later Jennifer

Amy said...

Hang in there! I know you love Women's Conference- maybe listening to some talks online will help.

Eliza said...

Oh Pat,
What can I do for you? Can I mow your lawn? Pick your pomegranites? Mop your floors? Bring you dinner? ANYTHING? Please let me help.

Emily said...

No advice, but having a plan is half the battle. Don't only buy yourself flowers, buy yourself the expensive bouquet. Know we love you, wish you were closer!

Jennifer said...

Yeah for a new day. I love your plan, I am going to steel some of those ideas. My only suggestion is take eliza and anyone else who offers help up on their offer. Maybe making a list of things that you CAN pass off to others will help so that when someone says, can I help or what can I do to help, you can say yes, you can even pick, here is my list. :) I love you, I think you get my point, I so badly wish I could write as well as you do, I always end up rambling..... love ya

Jennifer said...

PS, more pedicures!!!

SEBishop said...

Do you STILL love Smarties? I remember when you would buy a HUGE bag at Sam's club and consume the bag while we watched BYU games on your couch and played games at your kitchen table. Dungeons and Dragons anyone? A more SIMPLE time for you indeed.

My advice: HAve someone buy you some smarties.

I lost my appetite while going through a really painful experience with my back during and after I delivered Jessie. I ended up having surgery 4 months after her birth. I also took Zoloft for depression and although it did not cure my back, it did give me strength to eat and care for the children.

Don't wait too long to see a doctor. I actually googled "suicide" a few times during those dark days.

Pat said...

Thanks everyone for all the great ideas and hugs and kisses. I will certainly consider all of them.

Kris said...

Sounds like a great plan. We will bug you everyday to do at least one thing on it. The only thing that I would add would be chocolate, every day!

I love you, Kirs

Allison Barnes said...

Sounds like a great plan!! I look forward to seeing you at the gym. I have some classes I like that you will have to join me at!

You can do it Pat!

Stay strong and keep your faith!