Girls Road Trip, not quite Thelma and Louise, but almost.

After Graduation and our trip to Arizona for the funeral, 

Diana had two weeks of summer school.  

Finally we were free to fulfill our dream of getting out of Vegas and the heat.

Each summer we love to go up to Spanish Fork and hang with cousins and

pretty much avoid responsibility for as long as possible.

We have kind of developed a system for our drives to Utah.

We know where the best bathrooms are, and

where all the Cafe Rio's are located.

If we stop to eat in St George, we like to go to In-N-Out.

If it is Cedar City, then we usually go with Cafe Rio, although 

Panda Express is right across the street.

If we need to eat in Beaver, Jack in the Box has great fry sauce.

Filmore has a Subway next to the gas station.

And we have been know to do some shopping at the Wal Mart in Cedar

if the need arises. (ie the CD player or DVD player needs replacing)

And of course we can't forget to mention the Cheese Factory in Beaver.

If we are not on a time constraint, we simply MUST stop there.

They have the best ice cream, cheese curds, and jewelry.

Who'd have thunk it, that you could find great priced jewelry at

the Beaver Cheese Factory.  

But I wouldn't lie to you about a thing like that.

My most favoritest flavor of ice cream is Lemon Custard.

I had some there a couple of years ago, and it

took me right back to my youth at Baskin Robbins.

Oh how I love that Lemony creamy goodness in the form of a frozen confection.

The bad news to this addiction is that the Cheese Factory changes its flavors

as often as its underwear, and Lemon Custard is not always on the menu.

I know the horror and injustice, I tell you.

I have taken to calling the factory from the freeway to 

inquire if they are selling my form of crack that day or not.

No Lemon Custard, not worth the 30 minute detour. 

However, their phone number was tragically deleted from my phone a while back.

I was feeling in a hurry to get to Spanish Fork this day.  The last few times I stopped without calling,

they didn't have the Lemon Custard, much to my despair.

I said to Diana, 'I bet they won't have it today.  Let's not stop."

To which she replied, "Well don't you think we ought to just check it out".

I would like to think that her motives were to help satisfy my cravings, but I am 

pretty sure she was just in it for the jewelry.

And so we stopped, and it was my LUCKY DAY because on this 

glorious occasion they did have the Lemon Custard.

But they were out of waffle cones.  Oh the misery.

It is just not the same without the waffle cone.

I contemplated stopping at the grocery store and purchasing my own,

 but decided that was a little bit ridiculous.  

So no waffle cone, but a double scoop of Lemon Custard - yes, please.

So after the squeaky cheese and the jewelry, it is kind of expensive ice cream.

But delicious none the less.

Finally we were on the road again.

And just after we passed Filmore there was a fire on the left side of the road.

Now of course being me, I just whipped out my phone and started clicking

pictures.  Because surely there are no safety hazards to taking pictures

while driving, right?

It looked pretty intense over there.

Check out some of the shots I took:

Look how it was pretty black on the one side of the road and then just blue sky.

I don't think anyone was hurt, but it was not something I drive by everyday.

Finally we made it.  We always receive quite the reception from my nieces and nephews.

It makes one feel rather special and loved.

One of the things we did while we were there was take a horse riding lesson from my sister's neighbor.

It was great and very thorough.  

We also had a photo shot with one of my sisters friends.

Here is a shot of Diana and my nephew.

It was really hot that day and as incentive for smiling and cooperation

shaved ice was offered.

It was super yummy!

The girls hung out a ton and did things like dress up and make overs.

My nieces love to hang with Diana in the bathroom and watch her get ready.

My niece Megan.

We were pretty busy, but every now and then there was time for cuddling on the couch.

Or even a quick nap.

My nieces love to take pictures on my phone.  

You  never quite know what kind of picture will show up.

Lots of lovely pictures of home decor like this one:

Some of their brother:

Some self portraits:

Or cute ones of the sister:

Or the other sister:

Here's a great one of Diana.  Don't tell her I posted this, 

she is in that lovely 13 year old stage where she doesn't 

want me to post about her.

But seriously, how gorgeous is this girl?  

I am contemplating locking her in her room until she is 18, just so you know.

And look how instagram can take a messy toy room floor and make it look special.

I like this one a lot.

You may have already seen this one on facebook ,but it is to great to leave off of this post.

Lizzie is trying to shade  Diana.  Nice benefit to small children.

Of course there were trips to Macey's for ice cream and the bins of candy.

Here is a nice assortment of air heads.  Sugar anyone?

Diana took this one of my nephew.  Such a cute little kid.

And I love this shot as well.

We also went to Seven Peaks twice.  

And planned the food for our upcoming family reunion.

 I got my hair done, which is when I went blonde. I kind of love it.  

Perhaps blondes do have more fun.

And we just generally hung out and had a great time.

The Forth of July happened in there somewhere, but it was kind of a non even for us.

 

I have to admit to having small panic attacks when I would think of all the things

needing to be done back in Vegas.  This was only 3 weeks before Trent was due to come home.

It seemed a bit ridiculous to be sitting relaxing at a water park 

when I needed to paint his room and clean out the junk

 that had accumulated for the past two years.

I love Spanish Fork.  If I can't move there, visiting often is the next best thing.  

Overall we were very glad we went, and 

sometimes mandatory relaxing is a good thing.

HOME ALONE

I am HOME ALONE. It is a miracle worth celebrating and hence blogging about. And who says Friday the 13th is bad luck. It appears to be one of my luckiest days, ever. (like anyone could even know that, Napoleon)

And how did this miracle come to be. Well, it took some effort on my part and the universe chipped in as well

My husband, the young men's president is up on Mt. Charleston with a tour bus full of young men and young women. It will be cold. There will be snow. The bus ride will be loud and rival any elementary school field trip in its horrors, I am sure. He made a bit of a mess in my freshly cleaned/mopped kitchen as he prepared the hot chocolate for the trip. But I have chosen to ignore it for now, and only filled one pot with water to soak.

My oldest son, is busy being gainfully employed by Wendy's. Bless his heart. And bless his manager's heart for scheduling him to work until 8 pm this evening.

My second son, also known as the cripple was forced at gun point to go on the bus full of youths. (my cousin vinny, anyone?) He came up with every reason under the sun for why he should not go. From not thinking he could not stand it, to being sure that his casted leg would not fit in the seats on the bus, to not wanting to go if his dad did. He gave it a valiant effort, but I was a force to be reckoned with. All week long I have been informing him that HE WOULD BE GOING. And all week long he has been retorting that NO HE WOULD NOT. Well, this is one battle I was determined to win. And win I did. It did involve many sprints up and down the stairs to find the necessary/acceptable clothing. But, that was worth it as well.

My daughter is at a birthday party. She was home after school, but left at 6 o'clock. So I have had 2 whole hours of complete solitary silence.

It is true when they say silence is golden. It is silver, diamond, nickel, and pearly also. And priceless. Did I mention how much I yearn to be alone?

So when my daughter left to the party with our next door neighbor, I actually shouted for joy. OUT LOUD!!! Because when you are alone, you can do that and no one cares. Because NO ONE IS HERE. It is a thing of beauty, I tell ya.

I contemplated doing cartwheels, but reconsidered given my current out of shapeness and the shortness of my hall ceiling. Not to mention the family pictures, I would most likely destroy.

Instead, I have spent my time luxuriously on the computer. When others are here, I seem to find myself always at the end of the line for cyber time. I need to work on changing that. It has been glorious. I also did fold some laundry. But mostly I just enjoyed uninterrupted computer time.

Those of you with young children know that feeling of needing some alone time, I am sure. I have taken it for granted, seeing as how all my kids have been in school full time for 3 years. Normally I get at least 6 hours of kid free time during the week. Those days are long gone, my friends. And I miss them more than I can say.

But I treasure aloneness now. And covet. Oh, the coveting that goes on. Not good.

So I had my dream date Friday night. Just me and my computer. I wonder what this says about me. Probably some statement on the lameness of my life. But that's OK with me.

Thank you Universe for that two hour gift. And the six hour break from Jared. You'll never know how much I appreciate it.

Self Esteem File

The other night when I couldn't sleep, I went to a comment party over at Crash Test Dummies. It was so much fun although eventually it turned to singing 99 bottles of milk, pete and repeat, and knock knock jokes.

But before the super silliness set in, we were talking about that fun post Crash did in my behalf. I mentioned that I need to print it all out and put it in my self esteem file.

Just what is a self esteem file, you ask? To clarify, it is not something clever I thought up, but something I stumbled upon in my online search for help with depression.

Any of you who struggle with similar challenges might want to check out Beliefnet.com. It is a treasure trove of inspiring helpful ideas. One of the contributers is Therese Borchard who writes a blog titled Beyond Blue.

And so I have plagiarized her idea and post about "how to start a self esteem file" to share with all of you. Except I am giving her credit and linky love, so is that plagiarizing? Hopefully/probly not.

(this is kind of long, but Therese is funny and inspiring, so hang in there, or not, your choice)

By Therese Borchard

Three years ago I walked into my therapist's office feeling like a Krispy Kreme donut: I had no center. Everything I attempted, both professionally and personally, seemed to flop. I had no sense of self, no confidence, and no faith in myself. I found nothing of value in my DNA.

So she assigned me a project that turned out to be a meaningful, lasting tool in my mental health toolbox. I call it "The Self-Esteem File." Here are 10 steps for starting your own

Step 1: Identify 10 Strengths in Yourself

My therapist first told me to try to identify 10 of my strengths--10 positive qualities about myself--and to write them down on a piece of paper. This first step, trying to recognize your own assets, and to begin, ever so slightly, to believe in yourself again, is the most important. And the most difficult.

Think hard about what people have told you in the past: things that you do especially well, or personality traits they admire. Think about your job. Why are you good at it? Or about your hobby. What makes you enjoy it? What is that something special about you?

You might also go through old birthday cards, or report cards, or annual reviews (excerpting ONLY the positive), think back to past conversations with friends, page through photo albums and scrapbooks--anything to recall those times when people recognized your talents and assets and expressed appreciation for them.

Step 2: Come Up with Four People to List Your Strengths

If you were unable to come up with 10 positive traits about yourself, I totally understand that. Because the first time I tried to do it, I couldn't get there either. I stopped at two: I had a nice-shaped nose and thick fingernails.

And those two qualities weren't exactly making me feel whole again.

So here's the next step: come up with four people who will write that list for you. Now, I know what you're thinking: if I had four people in my life who would tell me why I am wonderful, then I wouldn't have low self-esteem...right? Of course, it's not that simple. But I'm thinking that there are four people in your life who could do this for you. Not necessarily friends, but maybe coworkers, or siblings, or teachers, or pastors, or mail carriers. Think about people who have complimented you in the past. Go there.

Step 3: Make Four Friends

If you still can't think of four people in your life who could identify and list 10 of your assets, then you need to make more friends. And I have some ideas on how to do that!

Go read my post "12 Ways to Make Friends," in which I mention a few strategies like: joining a book club, volunteering with a charity or civic association, getting involved with your church, going online and joining a group like "Group Beyond Blue," seeking a support group, taking a night class, getting a dog (pet owners stick together), "stealing" friends from other friends (my favorite), carpooling to work, attending a conference, connecting with your alumni associations, and talking to strangers (which is how I met my guardian angel, Ann).

Step 4: Ask Your Friends to Make the List

Now that you have at least four people who can ideally compile a list of positive traits for you, what do you say to them?

I know. This is not easy. Because it is admitting that you are, well, in a bit of a rut. Which is why you can make up something like the following (which isn't a lie, really!): "For a project I'm doing with an online group, I need to assign four people with the task of listing 10 positive traits about me. I thought of you since you're such a positive and complimentary person. Would you ever consider doing that for me?"

If you know the friend well, you might say something a tad more revealing: "Hey, you know, I've been feeling really down on myself, and someone suggested that I have my friends compile a list of my character strengths, because I can't really see any. Would you mind doing that for me?"

Step 5: Buy a Folder and a Label

Next comes one of the easier steps: simply drive (or walk) to the drugstore or to an office-supply shop and buy a folder. Any color. Any style. Write the words "Self-Esteem File" on the front. Make it so obvious that you would be embarrassed if anyone found it.

Why? Because if your home catches on fire, you want to be sure to grab the right file: the one with all the warm fuzzies inside.

Step 6: Start Collecting Letters

One by one, as you collect your letters of affirmation, place them in the self-esteem file. If two weeks go by and you haven't received anything, which makes you feel worse than when you started this project (my apologies), say something like this to your four people: "Um, I gave you a very important assignment that you've blown off so far. Now get your butt off the couch and start writing!" Or something like that.

Step 7: Find More Friends

Most of the time, one, two, three, or four of your friends won't follow through on their promise, which is why you need a list of four additional people to serve as alternatives in case your lazy so-called friends bail on this task. So, review Step 3 on the different ways you can meet friends, and say to your additional four people something like this:

"As you may or may not be aware, I need some affirmations. Lots of them. Could you please list 10 positive qualities about me? Why are you my friend? Why do you return my calls?" (If they don't, skip that one.) "What would you say at my funeral?" (But reassure them that you have no plans to die right now.) "You see, I am starting a self-esteem file, and I'd love for your positive words to be among the first pieces to fill it."

Step 8: Propose an Affirmation Exchange

If asking friends for a list of 10 positive traits still has you a bit freaked out, because it is asking something of someone, and I know how hard that can be, here's an idea: propose an exchange of affirmations.

I'll rub your back if you rub mine. I tell you 10 positive things about you, and you tell me 10 about me. A little collaboration. That's not so scary, right?

Step 9: Continue to Collect Affirmations

Become an affirmation hoarder. That's right. Whenever anyone says anything remotely positive ("You smell interesting today"), record it: on a Post-It, legal pad, receipt, or on anything that you can shove into your self-esteem file. Pretend you are a New York Times reporter with the assignment of breaking the story that you are a precious, lovable, wonderful human being that so many people in this world appreciate, respect, and admire.

Put into your file all those letters, cards, notes, emails that are complimentary in any way. Look also for "proof" in the past that you are worthy and lovable: professional feedback, birthday cards, thank-you notes, Mother's Day presents (if they are made of paper), Valentines.

Step 10: Read It!

As you watch your self-esteem file widen, fatten, thicken, and grow, a curious thing might happen...you might not depend on it so much. You'll graduate to what David Burns, M.D., author of "10 Days to Self-Esteem" calls "unconditional self-esteem." Explains Burns: "You realize that self-esteem is a gift that you and all human beings receive at birth. Your worthwhileness is already there and you don't have to earn it."

That hasn't happened to me yet, and it's been three years since I started my file. I still read it fairly often, and continue to stock it full of affirmations whenever I get one. This is true, though: because of my self-esteem file, I no longer feel like a donut. I have a center, and I am loved.

Ok I am back. Isn't that a great idea? And if you are not in the depths of despair right now, you could prepare one of these things for a rainy day. Because I have learned that no matter who you are, we all get a turn in the refiners fire. Just saying.

And wasn't that so cute how she felt like a Krispy Kreme donut? She may have felt dead inside, but at least her taste buds were still alive. I know just how she felt.

In all honesty, I have not actually done every step of this great idea. Perhaps now that my life is calming down, I could actually put it together. The good news for me is that I have way more than 4 friends so half of this assignment is done. Several of them have already written me such a letter, thanks to some of my posts on here. And their letters have helped. In addition, I have joined an online support group called the blogosphere. Which by the way is a great record of postitive affirmations.

I think for those of us who have one, you would have to include your patriarchal blessing. I can't think of a better friend who knows and believes in each of our strengths than our Heavenly Father. So don't forget about that Heavenly High Five when you are feeling low.

Arighty then people get those post it notes ready and start recording those affirmations.

Ready. Begin.

I Heart Elder Uchtdorf

Dear Elder Uchtdorf,

Thank you so much for speaking with me tonight. I appreciate the time you took giving me your words of compassion, comfort, and cheer. How did you know that was exactly what I needed to hear. Because of you, I will go on trying and working and most of all serving others. I even think that advice would be awesome and helpful to my son. I will look for ways he can help others as well. I wanted you to know what a difference you made, in case you couldn't tell.

Thanks again for being there for me,

Love, Sister Hammond

p.s. I can cook fried eggs also, and sometimes I burn my french bread, I feel a special bond with you now, but not in a scary, stalker kind of way, so don't worry.

Here's my plan

It is tomorrow and the sun has come out, because hey it is Vegas. It is still in the high 90's. In reading yesterday's post it occurred to me that there are some things I can do, I can control. So here is a list of some things I will do to try to help heal my heart.

Buy myself some fresh beautiful flowers. When you feel dead inside, it is good to have live things around. And flowers don't talk, always a plus.

Burn some sweet smelling candles. You can try to trick your senses into feeling better.

Listen to good uplifting music. I have songs that can lift my spirits and help me feel hope if but for a few minutes. My Saviour shall supply my need, is one of my favorite calming, everything will be ok songs.

I will force myself to eat, whether I want to or not. You must put gas in the tank if you want to drive the car. I know this, I just forget sometimes.

I will forgive myself and be my own best friend. I have to admit to giving myself a pretty hard time lately. Hey me, lighten up! I am doing the best I can under ridiculous circumstances. Give me a break, OK. Eventually I will go back to my high functioning self.

To help defuse stress and depression I am going to try exercising. I have joined a gym for the first time in my life. I haven't actually gone and exercised yet, but Monday I meet with a personal trainer. I will tell her "what program would you suggest for a person who has the physical fitness of a slug." This will help fight my high cholesterol and help with that worry as well. I wonder how many points joining a gym takes off your cholesterol? What you say I have to actually go and exercise. Oh, OK. Also I wont be able to hear Jared at the gym, an added bonus.

I will keep up the basics of filling my spiritual bucket. You know the standard prayer and scripture study. I have just been called to teach gospel doctrine, so I will have a built in reason to do this. I was very sad to leave Young Women's but I am slowly starting to embrace this new phase of my life. Mandatory scripture reading is never a bad thing. I do feel as though I have a hole the size of a cannon in my bucket right now. This does concern me as to how will I feed the ward from my empty bucket. But perhaps the Lord knows more than me, and this will help to repair the hole in my bucket.

So there you have it. A plan of action. Now that I have written it down, it will have to happen, right. So I am making progress. Now you can all worry about me a little bit less. I would welcome any other ideas others have had in healing from loss

PS More Gratitude

How is it possible that when I listed my blessing yesterday, I did not mention the laptop that the hospital is letting me use. I think that more than any other thing, that has helped with my sanity. The ability to record everything I have felt and to be able to update family and friends so immediately has been priceless. I am sure that some day I will read all these posts again, and will be amazed at everything that happened. Here is a picture of my little sanctuary. The curtain is to go around Jared's bed, but when he is not using, it has made me a nice little cave to retreat into.
I have slept on this bed four out of the past five nights. And here is the computer, if you look closely, you can see it logged into my blog. It has also been such a source of communication with my friends and family who are so far away. So hip, hip, hooray for technology.