The Finding Gene

OK everyone, I am going to cheat and post this thing that I wrote a few years ago. I think that some of you may not have read it yet, and for those of you who have you will just have wait for me to have more time to post new and unique things. I would say that since a daughter has joined my family I may not be as convinced of the premise of this theory. And I think it may border on the side of male bashing, so I apologize for that. I realize that it is a generalization and thereby is unfair to those men who can find things. Also as I get older I seem to be loosing my ability to find things. Perhaps my theory needs to be reevaluated with more current data. But here it is for what it is worth.

I don't know about how things work at your house, but at mine the other people who live here are constantly looking for things they can't find. After years of experience and observation, I have developed a theory that the ability to actually find things that are lost is contained only on the X chromosome. Why is it that I seem to be the only one in my family who can find everyones stuff? And the fact that I am the only female in the family, is that merely coincidence? I think not. My husband or my sons will come to me and ask if I know where such and such is. Usually I DO know and I tell them right where the sought after item is located. They will go and look for it, return, and inform me that it is not there. I then get up and go to right where I had previously told them to look and immediately find the lost item. These exact events have happened countless times. Why just the other day, my husband was making macaroni and cheese for dinner. He was looking for the special pan with a strainer in the pan. I was upstairs involved in a different project--hence the need for him to make macaroni. He calls up to me and asks if I know where the pan is. I reply that it must be in the cub board where we keep all of the pans. He looks for several minutes and tells me he can't find it. I tell him that is has to be there, where else would it be. I think to myself "Don't make me come down there!" Finally he uses a regular pan and the strainer. A little while later I come downstairs and find the pan in the back corner of the bottom shelf. It takes me all of 1 minute, although I did have to get down on my knees to look in the back of the cub board. Why if only I had a dollar for every time I have found something the men in my family could not find. Part of the problem lies in the fact that males can not master the art of LOOKING for things. I often have demonstrations of LOOKING. It involves bending, stooping, and most of all lifting other things. LOOKING is not merely walking into a room and waiting for the sought after item to jump into your hands. Nor is it merely turning quickly around and making a brief survey of the top surfaces of the room. But no matter how many times I give the males in my family such a lesson they fail to grasp the finer points of the techniques involved. I have come to believe that it is perhaps impossible for them to learn such things due to a genetic code. For example, if you are genetically predisposed to be left handed it is very difficult to write with your right hand. It may be that men CAN NOT find things no matter how much they want to. Perhaps this started long, long ago. I wouldn't be surprise to learn that when Adam was still alone in the Garden of Eden, the Lord came to see how he was doing. When asked Adam might of said "Things are going pretty well, but I am having trouble finding things." And the Lord would have said "I have just the thing you need for that problem." And so Eve arrived on the scene. Further proof can be found in the whole procreation system. Why do you think it takes millions of sperm to find just ONE egg? All of those sperm so anxious for the goal, but only one in a thousand actually finds what he is looking for. The rest of them just swimming around in circles saying to each other "I know that egg is around here somewhere, if we could just FIND it."This could account for one of the reasons men hate to stop and ask for directions. It would be admitting to their genetic defect. Women of course are anxious to stop and ask, realizing a good way to look for things when they see it. Men instead rely on the wondering blindly about technique, figuring that if they just drive around long enough they will run into the place they are looking for. One other example comes to mind. How often do men go hunting or fishing and return empty handed? The reason usually being "We didn't FIND anything." I don't know why they haven't realized sooner that perhaps they could take a women along to help in the locating of the prey. Perhaps word will get out and traditions will change. One day some enterprising woman may start a business "Finders R Us" or "Locators Enterprises" and capitalize on the ability to find things. Men may be the stronger sex, but I ask you what good is strength if you can't find your car keys?