Monday, April 30, 2007

Tooth Fairy makes a comeback!

Diana lost her second tooth in as many weeks. What are the odds of loosing two teeth in a row on Sunday? Two weeks ago the tooth fairy was a no show, and boy did she hear about it. This was due in part to exhaustion and in part a temporary cash flow shortage. My kids always clean me out of cash as fast as I ever get it, and how was I to know she was going to loose her tooth that day? The tooth fairy did suffer from extreme guilt feelings of failure, but both the disappointed tooth looser and the guilt ridden tooth fairy did manage to go on living. This time the tooth fairy was fortunate enough to have both the funds and the memory to perform her duties adequately. I know it is hard to see in this picture taken on Jared's phone (the only digital camera in the house) but she is now missing a tooth on either side of her two top front teeth. She says her teacher calls it a window when you loose one tooth, but it is a garage when you loose two teeth. What do you call it when you loose all your marbles?

Cougar Fanatics

I tried to put this on the side of my blog, but it is too wide and Marion was cut off, so now I will just put it as a post. I loved the idea of showing our cougar pride in this Christmas card picture. The boys in my family were less than impressed. But that is OK, I am used to it. I love that I have brainwashed my kids to like BYU football. Recently Trent's high school let the kids wear UNLV t-shirts to school, which usually would be against the dress code, but it was allowed this day due to some show of support for UNLV's basketball team. Of course Trent was thrilled with the opportunity to not have to wear a polo shirt , but he of course wore his BYU shirt.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Finding Gene

OK everyone, I am going to cheat and post this thing that I wrote a few years ago. I think that some of you may not have read it yet, and for those of you who have you will just have wait for me to have more time to post new and unique things. I would say that since a daughter has joined my family I may not be as convinced of the premise of this theory. And I think it may border on the side of male bashing, so I apologize for that. I realize that it is a generalization and thereby is unfair to those men who can find things. Also as I get older I seem to be loosing my ability to find things. Perhaps my theory needs to be reevaluated with more current data. But here it is for what it is worth.

I don't know about how things work at your house, but at mine the other people who live here are constantly looking for things they can't find. After years of experience and observation, I have developed a theory that the ability to actually find things that are lost is contained only on the X chromosome. Why is it that I seem to be the only one in my family who can find everyones stuff? And the fact that I am the only female in the family, is that merely coincidence? I think not. My husband or my sons will come to me and ask if I know where such and such is. Usually I DO know and I tell them right where the sought after item is located. They will go and look for it, return, and inform me that it is not there. I then get up and go to right where I had previously told them to look and immediately find the lost item. These exact events have happened countless times. Why just the other day, my husband was making macaroni and cheese for dinner. He was looking for the special pan with a strainer in the pan. I was upstairs involved in a different project--hence the need for him to make macaroni. He calls up to me and asks if I know where the pan is. I reply that it must be in the cub board where we keep all of the pans. He looks for several minutes and tells me he can't find it. I tell him that is has to be there, where else would it be. I think to myself "Don't make me come down there!" Finally he uses a regular pan and the strainer. A little while later I come downstairs and find the pan in the back corner of the bottom shelf. It takes me all of 1 minute, although I did have to get down on my knees to look in the back of the cub board. Why if only I had a dollar for every time I have found something the men in my family could not find. Part of the problem lies in the fact that males can not master the art of LOOKING for things. I often have demonstrations of LOOKING. It involves bending, stooping, and most of all lifting other things. LOOKING is not merely walking into a room and waiting for the sought after item to jump into your hands. Nor is it merely turning quickly around and making a brief survey of the top surfaces of the room. But no matter how many times I give the males in my family such a lesson they fail to grasp the finer points of the techniques involved. I have come to believe that it is perhaps impossible for them to learn such things due to a genetic code. For example, if you are genetically predisposed to be left handed it is very difficult to write with your right hand. It may be that men CAN NOT find things no matter how much they want to. Perhaps this started long, long ago. I wouldn't be surprise to learn that when Adam was still alone in the Garden of Eden, the Lord came to see how he was doing. When asked Adam might of said "Things are going pretty well, but I am having trouble finding things." And the Lord would have said "I have just the thing you need for that problem." And so Eve arrived on the scene. Further proof can be found in the whole procreation system. Why do you think it takes millions of sperm to find just ONE egg? All of those sperm so anxious for the goal, but only one in a thousand actually finds what he is looking for. The rest of them just swimming around in circles saying to each other "I know that egg is around here somewhere, if we could just FIND it."This could account for one of the reasons men hate to stop and ask for directions. It would be admitting to their genetic defect. Women of course are anxious to stop and ask, realizing a good way to look for things when they see it. Men instead rely on the wondering blindly about technique, figuring that if they just drive around long enough they will run into the place they are looking for. One other example comes to mind. How often do men go hunting or fishing and return empty handed? The reason usually being "We didn't FIND anything." I don't know why they haven't realized sooner that perhaps they could take a women along to help in the locating of the prey. Perhaps word will get out and traditions will change. One day some enterprising woman may start a business "Finders R Us" or "Locators Enterprises" and capitalize on the ability to find things. Men may be the stronger sex, but I ask you what good is strength if you can't find your car keys?

Friday, April 27, 2007

Copier Karma

When I was a teenager, (many, many, years ago) I had several jobs in many different offices. Invariably part of that job would entail engaging a copy machine. And I don't mean a proposal of marriage. Oh, no this is a proposal of an entirely different kind. As I progressed through several jobs, I became better acquainted with various kinds of copiers and their unique quirks. Little did I know that these jobs were preparing me for one of the daunting jobs of motherhood: PARENT HELPER.
At the beginning of each year, I arrange with my children's teacher to help in the class for an hour or two each week. This decision is based on the advice of a wise friend and mother that volunteering in one classroom is less draining than volunteering for the PTA. And yet a useful way to show my child that I value their education and want to contribute to their success. Although I did help with the PTA for the first two years Trent was in school, I have found it to be a vortex of endless need I need to avoid like the plague. And just like avoiding a black hole, I have avoided what I fear may drain my last drop of life source I like to call the "will to live." And so instead I have helped in my child's classroom pretty much each week. I guess I believed all that stuff they send home saying that studies show that children whose parents are involved in their education do better. This is probably just propaganda produced by the school system facing budget cuts and looking for free labor, but I digress.
Each week I show up and almost with out fail the teacher will say "Could you make some copies.?" And this is where I often foolishly say "Sure how many do you need?" And then I am laden with several workbooks with sticky notes sticking from the pages I need to copy and several reams of paper weighing somewhere in the neighborhood of a ton. And yes you must haul your own paper down to the copy room, because paper is a valuable resource not to be left unguarded near the copier where hapless oafs can waste it all. And off I go wondering the ever pressing question "Will I have good copier karma today or not?" Yes over the many years that I have dealt with copiers, I have come to find that there is such a thing as copier karma. Whether or not you have good copier karma will determine your copying experience.
Will it take 15 minutes or 3 days?
Will the two sided feature actually work or not?
Will you burn various parts of your arm as you unjam page after page of crinkled, ink smeared paper?
Will you run out of paper and have to walk the mile back to the room to obtain the last 2 pieces you need to finish the copy job?
Will you accidentally push the enlarge button and only copy the right had corner of the 120 page book you are copying?
Will there be a line around the school yard just to get a turn on the copier so you can find out the answers to the questions already mentioned?
These are just a few of the things good copier karma will determine. I am constantly amazed at how different my copying experience can be. Whether I am done quickly and have a great feeling of competency and accomplishment, or whether I stand there so long I loose the feeling in my feet and wonder how someone smart enough to earn a college degree can be stupid enough to show up week after week to be defeated and frustrated by a machine all in the hands of copier karma. Copier karma, you either have it or you don't. If only there were some sort of chart that could be consulted or a gauge on the room of the copier room wall. You know kind of like a radioactive gauge or something. Anyone else had similar experiences, or is it just me?

Friday, April 20, 2007

I am joining in!

Well I have been inspired to join the world of blogging. Hopefully I am not too old to learn new tricks, as I can not even seem to manage to move the heading of my blog to the top of the page yet. In the posts to follow, you will have some insignt in to the zany life I always seem to lead. Hopefully it won't be too tiring or boring to read about. Just remember you have been warned.