Sunday, August 22, 2010

How do I feel overwhelmed, let me count the ways.

I am not quite sure, but I think I am suffering from post summer stress syndrome or PSSS, if you will.  I think back to May and I was so looking forward to having a break from the routine of school.  Of course we did start summer school just 8 days after school ended.  But still getting just one kid to school at 7:30 each day shouldn't be that hard should it?

At the same time I helped prepare a child to leave on a mission.  Again on paper this doesn't seem that hard, costly, yes, hard no.  Just go to the store and fill a cart and empty your check book.  But as my sister pointed out, anticipating your child's every need for two years and then cramming it in a suit case, well that could be cause for exhaustion.  Never mind all the introspection about how you should have taught him to sew on buttons or cook more or manage money better, never mind have done a better job of forcing him at gunpoint to seminary.   Well the tsunami of could'a, would'a, should'a thoughts tend to leave a person feeling less than perky.

Eventually we found ourselves at the appointed time.  I have wanted to write some romantic emotional retelling of the events, but lack the wherewith all at this point to make it happen.  Let's just say I forgot his immunization card that they stress was the most important thing to bring to the MTC.  This caused me no end of guilt and concern.  Fortunately my husband can use a scanner and emailed them to me.  Of course the printer didn't work at my sister's house in Utah, so I had to run over to my brother's house, but that was OK because I also needed to hem the baptism pants we bought and I then forgot to even think about again.  So not much stress in printing out necessary paperwork and hemming pants all the morning before the drop off.  When it was all said and done, he was nervous and tired of waiting around and so we went a half an hour early.  And no I didn't cry.  I feel like I must be a bad mom for that too.  Are we sensing a pattern here?   Truth is I was just so relieved that we finally made it and that he still wanted to serve and that he was where the Lord wanted him to be.

It wasn't until we got home and I saw some of his favorite foods lying around that only he likes to eat.  Things like that kind of made me stop and think about how strange it is.  And I realized that he is going to miss seeing Jared graduate from high school.  Why did I never realize that before.  So perhaps I was able to delay my grief about him leaving and I was really sadder about it than I thought.

Of course I went right from Utah to Seattle for a week and a half of fun family time.  It was so nice to hang out and have fun with everyone.  It was a bit of a chore to help in the feeding of the masses, but everyone pitched in.  And of course fun is just so dang exhausting.  Can someone explain that to me?

I came home and immediately worked like a banshee, whatever that means for one of my jobs. Long, long hours, but at least my kids stayed in Seattle and I didn't have to figure out what is for dinner when I got home.   And then I have spent a lot of time at my second job for the past two weeks. 

I am also suppose to be spending every spare moment sitting in the car with Jared so he can finish up his driving hours and get his license.  Go figure that other things seem to crop up and take priority over ridding around for hours in the 100 temperatures.   We did spend about an hour driving around last Tuesday night, but someone in our neighborhood called the cops reporting that a small white car was casing their house.  I guess we need to increase our driving range to more than just driving around the block for an hour.  The cops were very understanding.

Things like 6th grade orientation.  Good news there, Diana got a top locker and PE sixth period.  Very happy for her.  We were not successful in getting her locker to actually open and plan to spend a few hours this week so she will be ready for the first day.  She also decided that middle school means no more glasses and so we are entering the time consuming world of contacts.  Last Sunday we were 15 minutes late to church because she couldn't get the goll darn things to stay in.  This week went better, and we went back to the eye doctor for follow up visits several times.  Oh and did I mention the doctor visit because her ear hurt,  but the found a darkened piece of ear wax the size of pea in her ear.  Once they washed that out, it felt better.  Who knew of such things?  I have never heard of anything like that.

Someone called to give me a quote for car insurance and I think it is lower so I need to finish analyzing all of that and make some decisions.  And I am suppose to be changing life insurance companies which needs some more finalizing and paperwork done.  I have got to mail Elder Hammond his new driver's licence which should be in a care package which means I should make cookies.  I need to find Jared's proof of driver's ed certificate which I am pretty sure will entail a painful trip to a line at the high school.   I am a complete failure at blogging.  It saddens me when I really think about it.  Next Sunday I am expected to give a wonderful lesson on Job.  So that should be no problem, right.  And does anyone else want to just smack me upside the head and tell me to chill out?

Seriously some deep cleansing breaths seem in order.  I am sure once I have poured this all out and into the universe, things will feel better.  But some of this could be why it feels like the walls are closing in. 

Apparently I am not doing this whole working/balancing everything thing very well. at. all.

I think a wiser me would tell me that I have been neglecting the important things like going to the temple and reading my scriptures.  But the current cranky me would like to kick the wiser me in the kiester.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.


Amie Earl said...

yes I know the feeling this summer but somehow it all gets done and the craziness will die down. Like when Diana will leave on her mission hehe take five for yourself every day

val of the south said...

WOW!! Get it all out, then you will feel better!! You totally deserve to give the cranky you permission to vent and no kiester kicking for a few days at least!

Good to see ya back!

Emily said...

There is something about the end of summer that brings out so many regrets. Just yesterday/today I am cranky/mourning summer ending, feeling like my kids had a crummy summer, hopefully you'll get everyone in a new routine, and things will feel better... at least that is what I am hoping! :)

Barbaloot said...

It seems like we spend so much time looking forward to summer---and it ends up being just a stressful and busy as the "regular" schedule.

Hopefully now that some of the big things are over---the routine will make like a little easier? Hopefully:)

Garden of Egan said...

OK, now I'm tired and need to go take a nap.
Sheesh girl! Could you try to fit one more thing into your summer?

I think you sound pretty dang normal.

Smart Helm said...

It never ends, huh? If you need a night out or anything else I can provied, let me know.... you have to give me plenty of time to clean up the house :-)

UR awesome!

Homer and Queen said...

You need to live in denial like me. Then you will not be stressed. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Crash Test Dummy said...

Phew! At least Diana got a top row locker. Thank goodness for little favors from on high.

Get it? on HIGH!? ;)

Rooting for you! Always lub reading your insanities. Makes me feel less insane somehow. ;)


Allison Barnes said...

i can't believe your neighbors called the cops! how funny! sounds like a crazy summer. glad you got your missionary off!

Marjorie said...

I think you do have delayed PSSS. Once the pressure slacks off the reality can really hit. I think you accomplished an amazing amount. Made me super tired just reading about it! Getting missionaries off is no small task. At least you could cover your shortage with a fax machine. When Sam left I was supposed to mail his sleeping bag to the mission home so he didn't have to tote it to the MTC. Totally forgot until I got a call from a frantic, tired missionary wishing he could go to bed! At least it was AZ :)

Oh I wish I could have seen Jared's face when the cops showed up. That is so funny!

Heidi said...

I agree that reading scriptures regularly and temple attendance can certainly help us to feel better--but give yourself a HUGE break! You have been through the wringer. Eat chocolate and read novels for a while. Hugs!

farmgirl said...

Oh how I love thee...let me count the ways....
you, my wise cousin, make me feel so incredibly normal- it is quite refreshing really.
Thank you.

April said...

I agree with Queen. I have been living the life of denial. And when I did cry when my boy was going to leave on his mission then the older son accused me of loving his brother more. I can't win for losing. Sorry you are so stressed. I sure miss ya!