Good News, Bad News

The past six weeks have been fraught with what I guess one calls life's little challenges. I have been given many opportunities to grin and bear a series of many unfortunate events. Here is just a sampling of some things that have happened in the recent past.

Bad news: I sat on Marion's everyday pair of glasses and broke both arms off of them. Good news: I didn't break the lenses. I think this is the second time in our married life that I have done this to him. Bad news: He has managed to bubble-gum them back together using super glue and white athletic tape. Good news: He is not a slave to fashion and doesn't mind it when people (including his own son) think he looks a bit odd with white tape on his glasses. Bad news: They don't carry the same frame he had and he is unwilling to update his glasses to a newer frame. Good News: This is the cheaper option for now, and now that school is started I will have more time to devote to solving this dilemma.

Next Bad news: It would rain from the ceiling in our dining room when someone showered in my bathroom. Good news: We have a home warranty that will cover this kind of repair. Bad news: When the repairman arrived, Jared was in the shower. He was in the process of his best impression of a really annoying big brother. He was singing as loudly as he could and periodically he would bang on the wall that separates the shower from Diana's bedroom. Diana in the meantime was giving an academy award winning performance of the tortured little sister that manifested itself in loud ear piercing screams that probably sent all the dogs in our neighborhood running away. In hind sight, I can see that what I should have done was say to the repairman "Could you please wait for just a minute outside the front door before entering the house?" This would have given me time to threaten each child into silence. But I did not think fast enough for that more prudent course of action. Instead I ushured the man into the freak show that was going on. I took him to see the shower in my room and excused myself to go and speak/warn/threaten/kill my children. Good news: My children calmed down and the repair was quickly diagnosed and fixed. Bad News: The home warranty policy does not cover repairing the hole in the ceiling that had to be cut in order to diagnose the problem. Good news: After having a gaping hole in my dining room, Marion has now replaced the drywall. Bad news: He informed me that repairing the popcorn covering is my part of the job.

Bad news: Someone stole Diana's bike and several scooters from the side of our house. I can't think of any good news for this one.

Bad news: Trent complained of having problems with his eyes and went to the eye doctor last week. Good news: His eyes are not yet bad enough to need glasses.

Bad news: My garage door opener was damaged in the car accident. Good news: Marion was able to figure out what was wrong with it and fix it, so I could have it in my rental car. Bad news: I managed to drop it in the car and it broke into more pieces and one crucial piece is now lost forever. Good news: Marion once again repaired it. Bad news: Now you have to use a screwdriver to touch two metal parts together to get it to work. It is rather inconvenient, but it does still work. A friend of mine was telling me that I can get a new one for not very much money, I just haven't had a chance to go and get one.

Bad news: A rather large piece of my filing on my back tooth cracked and fell out. Good news: It is not painful and is only a bother in that I have a cavernous hole in the back of my mouth. I am slightly afraid to go to the dentist because he has repaired this certain tooth 2 other times in the past year. I think he is going to make me get a crown.

Really bad news: Yesterday I got in a car accident with my rental car. It was my fault. There had been a lot of rain the night before, and when I tried to brake for the car that stopped suddenly in front of me, my car just slid on the road. Good news: My rental car is covered by my regular insurance. Bad news: I will have to pay another $750 deductible. Good news: I was able to take advantage of the learning curve of accident protocol. You know like talking with police officers, filling out police reports, experiencing nausea and anxiety, exchanging insurance information, all things that I am becoming a pro at. More good news: I will get to attend traffic school and so maybe Trent and I can go together. This is actually the first accident I have caused in my whole life of driving. More good news: no one was hurt, although I am a bit sore. I did hit fast enough to cause my glasses to fly off my head. Sheesh, it is enough to make me think that I should just not get a new car and sit at home every day instead.

So if I had any doubts before, I am now convinced that I am completely crazy. It might be nice to live in an imaginary world. I have had my fill of reality. Maybe I could just become schizophrenic so that half of the time I could be somewhere else? If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, then I am insane for sure. Each day I get out of bed expecting things to go well. Well good news: things are bound to start getting better because it is hard to imagine how it might get worse. Of course now that I have said that out loud my house will burn to the ground tomorrow or something like that. I wonder if they make straight-jackets in different colors?