So today was the lucky day I got to go to my first traffic school. My class started at 9:00, but I needed to be there 30 minutes early to pay for the class and be seated. So I figured that I needed to leave at 8:00 in order to be on time. If only I was the only person in the equation of my life.
Of course, I woke up a bit late at 6:50, and was horror stricken to find both Trent and Jared were still in bed. This is a bit of a problem since Jared is suppose to leave for the bus stop at 7:10. I urged him to hurry. For once, he actually did hurry and was ready by about 7:15. I figured I could run him to the next bus stop and that would be faster than taking him to school. We ran out to the car.
Next was where I had heart failure, high blood pressure, and an aneurysm when I backed into Trent's car that was parked in the drive way. He usually parks on the curb, but someone was in his place last night.
I had seen his car the night before, but in my half awake, half crazed state of trying to get Jared to the bus stop on time, I didn't even look behind me or remember. Besides Trent should have been at seminary, for crying out loud. I wonder why he picks today to oversleep. Due I am sure to some angelic intervention, there was little to no damage done. Just five years off my life expectancy, but that's OK with me. There IS a white line on my black bumper, but I think it will come off with some elbow grease. Trent's car was fine.
So now I run back into the house and try to find Trent's keys, with no luck in the 30 seconds I spent looking. Now I am past hysterical and onto manic, but I find the van keys. After navigating the two block interval to the bus stop in about 1 minute, Jared was safely deposited at the curb. Perhaps I should have been offended when he bounded from the car with glee.
It would seem that he was glad to have escaped the mornings escapades unharmed. One would hope, that one could get up, get ready for school, and get to the bus stop with out near death experiences, but not when one has me for a mother.
Next we moved onto Diana. Cursing the system of higher education, I remember that it is picture day. Rousing Diana from her bed with the plea of "If you want to live to see another day, get up now and make yourself presentable" I continue to run around like a turkey with my head cut off. She of course is insistent on wearing one of her favorite shirts that has been missing for a few weeks.
Unfortunately, we found the darn thing the night before wedged down in the couch under a cushion. Why we had not thought to look there sooner, I don't know. We were actually looking for her glasses, which we never found. Yikes. I need those glasses to have a pager on them so I can get them to beep in order to find them.
The shirt was a bit soiled and wrinkled. Diana asked if I could fix it. Where is my magic wand when I need it? Oh yea it must be right next to my library books in the Bermuda Triangle that rotates around in my house sucking up unsuspecting things that I will need the next day.
So while Diana is finishing her homework and getting dressed. I try to fix the shirt with a bit of water and an iron. For those of you who don't know this about me, ironing is something I avoid like the plague. But this was a picture day emergency after all.
I wouldn't say that it was spectacular, but it was an improvement. Next we tackled her hair. Somehow while sleeping, she managed to wake up looking like her hair had been fashioned in a blender. This would not do. And yes the clock was ticking away to the deadline for my departure. I don't know how, but somehow thanks to my flat iron, I managed to flip her hair up at the ends. Diana thought she looked like Tracy Hornblat from hairspray.
Cursing the school again, I realize it was also library day for Diana. Geez these educators are really socking it to me today. Somehow now in third grade, she gets to check out 3 books. Good gracious, don't these people know me and my bad track record with library books? Obviously not. But as proof that the day of miracles has not ceased, all three of Diana's books were actually in her backpack. So after exerting my last ounce of energy, she was ready for picture day and went off to the neighbor's house.
I headed off to traffic school, about 5 minutes late. Wondering if being late was justification for speeding to traffic school, I hastened to the courthouse. Without too much trouble I made it there. It is an interesting bunch of people at the courthouse. From the armed guards, to many lawyers in suits, to us plain criminals there is much available for people watching. When the elevator came, I squished myself in with about 50 other people. Apparently, rather than waiting for the next elevator, people prefer the have a sardinelike experience. Of course I was in the very back corner and needed to get off on the first floor. I had to worm my way out with much apologizing. I paid for the class and was bummed to find out that I had to pay an extra $10 because I had to postpone my class when I went to Seattle. Next I found the classroom, which was essentially a large closet with 20 chairs and a TV. After we all waited silently, someone came in and started the movie. It was fairly interesting. The first part was all about wearing seat belts and how Princess Diana would still be alive today if she had worn her seat belt. At one point the video even says, tell everyone that Princess Di would be alive. Evidently, they think this fact alone will convince all of us to always buckle up. They did speak to others who were saved by seat belts or harmed greatly by not wearing one. The next part of the video was on anger management. They said that many accidents are caused by people driving too fast to meet deadlines, or being upset by others on the road around them. According to them it is not good to yell at other drivers and have feelings of resentment and revenge when someone cuts you off. These behaviors will detract from your health and could cause you to have a heart attack. Seemingly, I should never drive again. Once the movie was over, I was presented with a beautiful ornate certificate. Ok it was just a plain Jane document stating I had successfully completed the class. I would scan it in and post it here, but my new scanner is having problems and so you will all just have to imagine it. The best part was that the movie was only about 30 minutes. I hurried back to the parking garage because I had to pay $2 for every 30 minutes I was parked there. Wouldn't you know it if I wasn't there for 61 minutes and so I had to pay $6. GRRR! And the parking guy had to rub it in by saying "Oh you just missed it by one minute." I wanted to say "Hey I've got a paper cut would you like to pour lemon juice in it." I wish he hadn't told me, because I would have preferred to be blissfully ignorant of that fact. But hey, look at his life stuck in a parking garage, I am sure there is so little for him to look forward to each day. And so now I suppose I am to drive serenely off into the sunset. OH, MYLANTA!
Supposedly, I will now be transformed into a better driver somehow. Sadly it will take more than a 15 minute anger management video to help me change my sorry ways. My goodness how much of their advice had I completely gone against just that morning. Well, I will put "driving habits" on my list of things to change and hey maybe that will be my one and only time in traffic school.