Wednesday, August 6, 2008

My mental illness has a name.

I found out today that I'm not crazy, I'm just hyper vigilant. Hyper vigilance is an abnormally increased arousal, responsiveness to stimuli, and scanning of the environment for threats. Or according to another definition: the condition of maintaining an abnormal awareness of environmental stimuli. Think mommy ninja on the constant alert for danger to her child.

A person suffering from PTSD may have...hyper vigilance, heightened startle responses and flashbacks. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. PTSD can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death. Yeah that might just fit the description of my life last month. If my hyper vigilance is not from PTSD, then it could be that I have GAD. Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) which is behavior marked by a pattern of frequent, persistent worry and anxiety over many different activities and events. My money is on the PTSD, and I read something that says you can recover from that in just a few short months.

I am going to work on controlling my hyper vigilance. This will be hard because of my natural tendencies to be empathic and over helpful are feeding this fire of hyper vigilance, like gasoline to a campfire. In other words, I am a natural born hyper vigilant. So I must slowly wean myself away from constant interaction and yes scanning the environment for threats. Jared will return to being a normal 14 year old teenager. Soon I will probably wish he were back in a comma, nice and quiet. And just as a side note, scripture study is easier with teens who are in a comma. Just so you know.

Tonight I will begin my recovery by sleeping in my own bed instead of three feet from where Jared is sleeping. Baby steps. Baby steps.

You can all help me, by being my watch dogs. If I post anything that sounds unreasonable and yes, crazy to you, in regards to my helpfulness to Jared, just post HYPER VIGILANCE in the comment post. Sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees, you know.

Hopefully recognition is the first step to recovery.

Hi, my name is Pat, and I am a hyper vigilant.


Jen said...

I think we all have a little bit of that. You're not so crazy, don't worry. It's natural for you to go crazy in dealing with something like this. But, I'm glad you've been diagnosed! (if only by yourself!!)

Lisa said...

Add an "e" and you can introduce yourself as a Hyper Vigilante!


Kris said...

When your kid almost dies, how can you not be hyper vigilant? I'm glad that you are back in your own bed and not Jared's 24/7 slave. I'm sure you will be ready to send him to school by the 25th.